A baby fills a hole in your heart that your didn’t know was there...

I thought my heart was too full of love. I couldn't possibly fit any more...that was until July 22, 2011...

I had a scheduled my repeat c-section for 7/22/11. This made it so easy to prepare for the birth of our second baby. I was able to pack everything for James and Watson and make sure they were in good hands so I could be in peace as Andy and I prepared to met our second baby. This also meant that the entire week leading up to the delivery, I was in tears-cherishing every moment with my "only child." My mother said that James would not remember life without Thomas, and this would send a bittersweet sting to my heart. I wanted to soak up every second with my oldest boy. We did something fun each day and every night I lingered just a little bit longer than usual running my hands through his soft hair, and touching his perfect cheeks. I held him in my arms, rocked him, sang to him, read to him...let him know how much I loved him every chance I could. I was so afraid that our relationship was going to go through some crazy change when Thomas came into the picture. I was afraid that James was going to feel jealousy, and be hurt that we had brought a new baby boy into his home. I was a basket case trying my best to hold it together.

Ready to meet our baby! Before leaving for the hospital 7/22/11

I dropped him off at my in-laws the night before the c-section. I had carefully packed his bags for his 5 day stay with them. I carried on some light hearted small talk in the kitchen and quickly kissed him good bye before running out of the house-and I mean RUNNING! You've never seen a 9month pregnant woman move so fast. I didn't want anyone to see the tears streaming down my face. I was beyond excited to meet my new baby, but was overwhelmed with fear-of the c-section, of James' reaction, that my heart might not be able to love two babies equally....so much unknown!

I don't think I really slept that night. I cleaned until midnight, then tossed and turned for the rest of the night. Thank goodness 6a.m. came quickly. Andy packed the car and we were on our way to the hospital!

My knees were like jello as we checked in. I was scheduled for a c-section at 11a.m. They put in the IVs and got me comfortable while I waited. Apparently it wasn't busy that day, because at 9:20a.m. they said they were ready to bring me in. I kissed Andy good-bye while they wheeled me down to the O.R. I was minutes away from meeting my baby!

A scheduled c-section is much different than an emergency one. With James, I had labored so long I would have let them operate without medications. I just wanted him out. The contractions, and hours of pain, had made me so exhausted I was numb. I didn't remember what the operating room looked like, or what really  happened up to the moment I held James. With my planned c-section, I took in every detail of the room, every smell, every face. I was terrified for the surgery and thought I was going to feel everything. I was so wrong! The spinal was intense. I went from feeling everything, to complete numbness. The nurses lifted my legs on the table and I was shocked that I had no feeling.

Andy came in the room and we had a conversation while the doctor started the procedure. It seemed like just a couple minutes before I heard the most beautiful sound in the world-a newborn cry. There are no words to ever describe the way that sounds affects a mother. It took my breath away. If I could live those first moments over and over again, I would. I looked up at the curtain to see Thomas' smooshed little face, and heard the doctor say, "Hi Mommy!" I couldn't believe he was here. Andy leaned down and kissed me and we pressed our foreheads together and cried. Thomas Liam McKenna arrived at 9:42a.m. on July 22, 2011 weighing 8lbs 9oz and measuring 20" long. We felt so blessed!

Welcome to the world Thomas Liam!

Andy ran over to cut the cord and take a sneak peek at our new, little miracle. He came over to report that everything was perfect and he was healthy. Before I knew it, I was looking into Thomas Liam's beautiful eyes. He was all bundled up like a baby burrito, resting next to my head. He was sucking the air so loud that the doctor on the other side of the curtain was laughing. Another doctor came over to say that he came out with his fists up, peeing on everyone. Something I'll be sure to share with him someday.

Holding my baby boy for the first time!

His feet cracked me up. They were always breaking free of my swaddle.

I spent the entire first day holding him and trying to study every feature. My father once called me "an intruder" because I invaded the family of 5. I understood what he meant. Thomas didn't look like James, so I had to work a little harder to memorize his little features. He was my own little intruder!

My little intruder!

I had Thomas bundled in my arms when James came in the room. I was greeted with the biggest smile from him. He ran over to my bed squealing, "Hi Mama!" When I lowered the blanket to reveal his little brother to him, he slammed on his little breaks and stepped back. His face looked bewildered. My heart felt a twinge of pain. I knew it, he was heartbroken. I tried to stay enthusiastic as I showed James his little brother. He studied him, trying to figure it out. I didn't want anyone to know how scared I was of upsetting him. My uncle walked in the room at that moment and James turned to him and said with a big smile on his face, "Look Uncle Bobby, it's my brother Thomas!" I bawled. In front of everyone, I bawled. Nine months of roller coaster emotions came out like the Great Flood. James had accepted him and everything was going to be OK. I could breathe.

James showing Thomas his toy!

Feeding his baby brother for the first time!

I couldn't have been luckier with the way James responded to his baby brother. He loved him from the start. This made the transition from one, to two babies much easier on me. I had been so worried and afraid for nothing. James instantly took on the role of the big brother. He asked to hold him, feed him, tickle him, give him his pacifier, etc. He even innately started talking to him with the most tender of tones. For anyone who knows James, you know how loud he can be. When he talks to Thomas, he has a sweet whisper and such a gentle touch. It amazes me that a two-year-old would naturally know how to do that without having me teach him.

Our first "family of four" picture!

I never knew my heart would be capable of loving so much. I love James, I love Thomas, and I love the relationship that James and Thomas have as brothers. Andy and I always say that we couldn't have made a better decision than to have had our babies so close together. I get excited knowing what they have in store. My hope is that they continue to grow their bond and someday be best friends. I know I will enjoy nurturing it!

Giving Thomas his pacifier. Big helper!

Snuggling Thomas

"Mommy, can I hold Thomas?" Already a pro with one week experience as a big brother!

The Two's!

I can't believe my little guy is two years old! How did that even happen? They say time flies when you're having fun, but I feel like it was more of a blink of an eye!

We celebrated James' 2nd birthday on July 2nd. This year we chose to do a racecar theme since that was James' obsession for the year. I want to try to make that a tradition-whatever his "fad" was for the year will be the birthday theme. Our family and close friends came to my parents house to help us celebrate. My friend, Melissa, made the most amazing racecar birthday cake with racecar cookies. James couldn't take his eyes off of it. He was in his glory, knowing the day was all about him. I kept a close eye on him as he mingled with friends, and even sometimes went off to play by himself. He wore a constant smile on his face. All of his "people" were there, and on top of it all-to celebrate him!

When it came time to sing "Happy Birthday," I think I got through the first couple words before getting a lump in my throat. How was my baby turning 2? I watched his face light up with excitement when we lit the candles and started singing. Andy had downloaded the theme song to the Cars movie which thrilled the birthday boy. He blew out his candles all by himself (with no drool, thank goodness) and I handed him the rice krispie treat racecar from the top of the cake. Andy put him down on the grass, and he immediately broke into his happy dance. He loved every second.

James' amazing birthday cake made by Sweet Melissa's Cakes in Carver!

His happy little face eating his edible racecar!

The infamous happy dance-he does this dance everytime he hears the Cars theme!

After all the food was eaten, cake was devoured, and presents opened, I saw my tired birthday boy walking around somewhat taking it all in. I asked, "James are you tired from all the fun today?" He looked at me with a big smile on his face and replied, "I no sleepy Mommy, I happy." I'll never forget that moment. He is such a joy.

So the journey of the "terrible two's" has begun. I have a feeling with James, they might not be so terrible...or at least I hope so. His language has developed so much, that when he's being fresh, its actually funny. I really find it hard to keep a straight face as I try to discipline him. His most recent "freshy talk" is the use of the word "nothing." I don't know where this came from, but when he gets really upset he'll say "nothing bed," "nothing supper," "nothing etc." It's as if the word "nothing" is his swear word. No one has a clue where it came from, but it cracks me up. He'll fall of his bike and shout, "nothing bicycle" and then get back on. The word will never be the same! Tonight on the ride home, I said "is baby Thomas going to come out of mommy's belly next week." He sat and thought about it for a moment, and replied "Nothing Thomas!" O boy! If this is the extent of his temper, I think I can handle it!

As for his "sweeter words," I have been singing "I love James" to him since he was a baby. A couple months ago, he started replying with, "James loves Mommy" to the same tune. This melted my heart. Just recently, he started initiating the song out of no where. As I was driving home tonight, my mind crazy with "to do" lists, I heard "James loves Mommy!" come from the back seat. I replied with "Mommy loves James." He started giggling and kept singing it. It's so wonderful having a little lovebug who can now voice things like "I'm mommy's boy" or "I love Mommy." It makes it all worth it-even on the toughest of days.

His gift to us on his second birthday was swimming. My parents have a pool and we are very nervous about James being around it. We are constantly watching him when he's near it, or even when we're in the house. My mother has tied bells to all of her doors so that we can catch him trying to escape. The weather was beautiful on his birthday, so I got him in his bathing suit and my nephew Patrick took him in the pool. I peeked out the window to check-in on them and saw James swimming. Somehow my 14 year old nephew taught him to swim. I threw my bathing suit on and went down to the pool to test how far he could go. Granted he has his life vest with swimmies, but he was able to swim from the steps of the shallow end, to the edge of the deep end (where I stopped him) to give me a high five. He'd then turn around and make his way back to the steps. We've taken him swimming everyday since, and he keeps getting better and better. I'm hoping this will bring us "some" relief with him being around water. If we can teach him basics, or how to find the stairs, I'll feel so much more secure. In the meantime, I love watching his little froggy legs kicking and him doing the doggie paddle with a proud expression on his face. He calls himself "Nemo."

My little fishy and me!

So this month is officially the month of the 2's. My little guy is officially 2, Thomas will be joining us on the 22nd, I will be the mother of 2, and will have 2 boys to love and enjoy. Its a very bittersweet month. I'm excited to watch what two years old brings, I'm excited to see what being a mom of two feels like, I'm curious to see how my two boys will react to eachother, but I'm saying good-bye to a two year chapter of my life-James and me, as well as a 9month chapter of pregnancy. I love being pregnant-its a miracle and will never cease to amaze me, but I can't wait to get down on the floor and play with both of my boys. Here's to the new chapter. I have no doubt it will be the best one yet!

...and he makes my life worth living....

Less than a month until he is 2, and becomes a big brother. How is that possible? How is this little guy going to seem so big? Well....his personality is certainly a factor!

Of course all moms probably think their kids have the biggest personality, and I'm defintiely one of them, and I might have some witnesses who agree. This child sometimes blows my mind. When I was pregnant with James, I used to joke with Andy that he'd come out looking like him, but would have my personality. For those who know me, my personality goes hand and hand with my ever rambling mouth. I admit it, I never shut up. I always have something to say, or a story to tell. It's been that way since I was a baby, and I guarantee I'll never change...

I met my match...

James went from saying his first official word, "ball" at 8 months of age, to sentences by 18 months. From the moment he wakes in the morning, he is talking. I know he's awake because I can hear him talking to his stuffed animals, "Good morning Griffey Bear," "Good Morning Bumbee!" Then he tells them about the trucks and cars that are on the floor and says "We go to Gramma's house today to drive Papa's car." I'll come in the room and he instructs me to open his curtains and turn off his fan. He asks what outfit he'll wear, and I show him the shirt and have him tell me what is on it. He'll retain this information until we get to my moms house and he'll puff his little chest out and tell her exactly what's on his shirt. (example: pirate shirt, fireman shirt, dinosaur shirt, baseball shirt, etc). My mom will compliment him and he'll stand there smiling (and showing off).

As he approaches the "terrible two's," he's become a bit more demanding and a bit more of a dictator. He loves bossing people around-adjusting already to his role as a big brother I suppose. My father-in-law compared him to a little doll that you can pull a string and a few catch phrases will come out, "STOP" "Don't Worry" "Go away" "No thank you!" He puts this fake frown on and tries to act tough. He'll point his little finger like a tough guy, but unfortunately can't keep a straight face. He's a character.

A couple new things, other than his commands, that have brought me many smiles, have been how he points out all the cars and trucks on the road while I drive places. He'll tell me about the dump trucks, tractors, buses, police cars, fire trucks, and "ambances." He'll point out big mounds of dirt and say "messes mama, vacuum!" He back seat drives, so he'll instruct me when to stop, and when to go. He knows to look for the red and green lights. He tells me when to slow down or to "go fast." He gets nervous in drive-thru lines when I get so close-"Careful mama! Don't crash!" I swear he has a little of my mom in him!

I've been singing to him the same lullaby that my parents sung to me as a child, "Morningtown Ride." My parents were big into folk music and the Seekers were one of their favorite groups. About a week or so ago I started singing it to him, and he started singing along with me-literally every word. It's officially the first song that we've sung together word-for-word. For almost months now, I've been able to sing lines of songs and leave out the last word of each verse and he'll fill in the blank, but this is the first official song he has completely memorized, and it's adorable. I keep meaning to record him singing it, because his little voice is so precious.

I've been telling James that he's going to have a baby, and Baby Thomas is in my belly. A couple weeks ago, while out at a restaurant with my parents, my dad asked "Where is Thomas, James?" James pointed right to my belly and said "in mama's belly!" I couldn't believe it. He had been listening. Now if you say anything about Thomas, he comes right to my belly. I'm hoping this means he's getting excited, and will welcome the little intruder into his home with open arms! Either that, or he's picturing a miniature train in my belly-we shall see!

My mom has been taking him for walks each day. Everytime he sees a lilac bush, he insists on picking some for me. I'm sure the neighbors aren't too impressed, but my mom caves and lets him do it. He runs in the house and says "Mama! Pretty Flowers! Mama Happy!!" He insists on holding the flowers the whole walk home with no assistance from my mom. I think this started with the lilac bush outside of our house. Every night when we'd get out of the car, I'd bring him over to smell the flowers (one of my most favorite smells). He knew how much I loved these flowers, and now can pick them out anywhere. They are now officially "Mama's flowers" not lilacs!

We bought him a couple puzzles to play with. He will pretend to put the pieces in the wrong spots, or upside down and wait for us to look then says "No, silly James-that's not zebra," or "No, silly James, firetruck upside down!" He corrects himself, but wants us to laugh at his little joke!

Today I got the chance to take him down to the beach. We found crabs, hermit crabs, periwinkles, and a horseshoe crab. He held the crab and hermit crab in his chubby little hands and laughed hysterically. He kept calling the hermit crabs "buggies." I corrected him, but then I'd her him say "Mama, more buggies!" The smaller ones were "baby buggies" and the bigger ones were "daddy buggies." We had a great time at the beach, and he was exhausted tonight-early bed!

July 22nd, I'm scheduled for my c-section. I can't believe I'm going to have two boys. I try to wrap my mind around it, but I don't think I'll believe it until I'm holding Thomas in my arms. I'm sure Thomas is already familiar with that little (big) voice that talks non-stop from 8a.m.-8p.m. everyday. I'm sure it will bring him pure happiness, as it does to so many people already.

I'm positive in the next month, there will be a million more things that James will do that will bring a smile to my face. I'm a person who not only talks a lot, but smiles a lot. I have a happy heart. I just never knew how happy I could be until James came into my life.

Don't Blink!

So, here I am, 10 weeks away from becoming a mom of two little boys!

I can't believe how fast these months have flown by. James certainly has kept me busy. Each day is something new, fun, exciting, funny, you name it! Sometimes I feel like I'm in some crazy tornado, then it hits his bedtime, and I get the chance to reflect on what actually happened that day. There is nothing, in my opinion, more rewarding and interesting, then watching a child transform from a newborn to a walking, talking, joking, laughing, adventerous, toddler.

I try to store all of my favorite "James-isms" in my memory, but I don't want them to slip away. Some of the things he says and does are just so priceless to me. I love seeing his thought process.

I need to blog these memories down so they don't escape me like so many things do these days.

One of my most favorite "James words" is penyon. A penyon is his word for crayon. I believe its a cross between pen, which he learned first, and crayon. He loves coloring and writing his name with his penyons. I can't find it in myself to correct him because this word is just too cute. I, myself, now want to call crayons "penyons." I can't help but laugh when I hear him say it.

James' favorite toys are his racing cars and trucks. His cars aren't just cars, they must be racing cars. He loves things that go fast. Everything must go fast. I love when he runs by doorways saying "Hi Gramma! I go fast!" He has a little truck that he can ride on, and Patrick pushes him so fast that I can see James' hair blowing in the breeze. He squeals in delight.

Up until recently, James could count to 10, but would always slip up #5 for #9 which would make him jump from 1, 2, 3, 4, 9, 10. He would stop with a puzzled look on his face, like "hmm...I'm missing something" then start again. Just this past week he started successfully getting though the complete 1-11. He counts everything these days, but mostly his cars, his tub toys, and stairs. Every morning we come out of his bedroom and he says "Mommy, hand" and he gives me his hand. He takes his first step, and shouts out ONE, then goes all the way to eleven. It's so cute, and such a fun routine to have in the morning.

He has been going through a big sleep phase. He loves to put his toys to sleep and tuck them in under blankets, or if there are not blankets around, tissues. When his toys go to sleep, they must be on their backs. This includes his trucks and cars. There will be times that I'll walk in and all of his trucks and cars will be on their backs with tissues or (unused) toilet paper placed gently over them. He'll fake snore and say, "shhh Mommy, the trucks and cars sleeping!" He'll also do this with his tub toys. He'll line them up on the side of the tub and put bubbles on them as blankets. The process requires a lot of concentration and he takes it very seriously. He plays a sleepy game with my mom where he'll say, "Gramma! Sleep!" She'll shut her eyes and pretend to sleep. He'll take his little fingers and (whisper) count, 1, 2, 3, then yell "GRAMMA!" She pretends that he's startled her and it makes him laugh like crazy! I believe his sleep obsession started with my mother's decorative Santa that sat on the hearth. He was in bed and you'd press a button and he'd start to snore. At first, this scared James. My father encouraged him to overcome the fear. Now if you ask James what Santa Claus (or in his words, Ka Claus) says, he won't respond with "Ho! Ho! Ho!" like most kids; instead, James fake snores.

About a month or so ago, my father started taking James down to their finished basement so he could explore. James treats the downstairs like a fort now. As soon as Papa comes home, James begs to go downstairs. Once they're down there, he acts like he rules the place. My dad takes him for rides in his little blue car, lets him throw his stuffed animals all over the place, and most importantly, they visit the furnace. The noise the furnace makes is a thrill to James. He gets scared, but somehow enjoys it. He asks, "Papa noise!" and points to the room that the furnace is in. This love for the furnace noise ignited a love for noise in general-vacuum noise, washing machine noise, dryer noise, etc. He is always talking about noises now.

When Andy gets home from work, I'll announce, "Daddy's home!" This triggers pure excitement and joy from both James and Watson. They both dart to the window to catch the first glimpse of Andy's car pulling in the driveway. Now that its getting warmer out, I open the window a little so James can shout to Andy. Andy walks up to the window, which is face level with him, and he and James go nose to nose through the screen laughing and giving each other kisses. Watson gets jealous and barks and dances like crazy until Andy comes in. This is one of the happiest parts of our day. I love when we're all home together!

James loves attention and acknowledgement. If more than a few minutes go by without anyone talking, you'll suddenly hear, "Hi Mama," or "Hi Gramma," or "Hi Papa," etc. When you meet eyes with him you're greeted with the sweetest smile. This is something he's done for a while, but it continues to melt my heart. He also loves talking to people in stores. James gets so excited to go to the store and ride in the carriage. He talks to anyone who will acknowledge him. "Hi Lady!" "Hi Man!" "Hi Girl" "Hi Boy" etc. It is so funny. It makes so many grumpy shoppers smile. Although recently he and I were shopping for some summer shoes for him at Target, and he saw a "baby" AKA a toddler that looked older than he is. He said, "Hi Baby-I shop for shoes!" The toddler was not impressed and started crying. The mom was like 'Don't worry, you're a big boy." When the toddler started crying, it worried James. He looked at me and said "Mommy, baby crying!" "Don't cry baby!" This irritated the toddler more to the point where I decided we'd let them have the aisle and we'd come back later.

He and my dad have a special bond. I've finally figured it out. My dad lets him do whatever he wants, and James loves this. I still remember a night that my dad called down to me from his room and said, "Do you want to see your son try to kill himself (obviously in a light hearted way). I ran upstairs and found all of the pillows from my parents bed on the floor and James standing on the bed. My dad said "Ready, Set, GO!" and James ran off the bed and landed in the pile of pillows. He was so excited and laughing so hard. This has become one of his favorite games.

When Bailey, my parents grumpy, old man, dog barks, James runs to the window saying, "Papa's home!" "Bonnie's home!" "Jamie's home!" just hoping that someone is there to visit him.

Every Saturday, Andy's sister Coleen, and Mr. McKenna take James to Boston's for breakfast and a walk around the waterfront. If you ask where he's going, he'll say, "BOSTONS!" and then he talks about sausage. He steals Mr. McKenna's sausage and loves it. They walk around the waterfront and he talks to everyone and gets to pet all the dogs.

Now that my little escape artist knows how to get out of his crib, we have to have a talk before his nap and before bed. I tell him he has to sleep and stay in his crib. He looks at me very seriously and tells me with his little finger extended, "Don't fall boom!" I agree and say, "No, we don't want you to fall boom." I know the days of the crib are winding down, and soon he'll be in his big boy bed, but for now I enjoy the peace of mind knowing he's safe in there.

James loves to dance. My father found a Disney record that my mother bought for me when I was a baby. My dad plays it and James dances. His favorite song is the "Cow Song," AKA "Old MacDonald." He dances like crazy and sings along. He loves singing and dancing. It amazes me how many songs he already knows. When we drive in the car I'll sing part of a verse of a song, and he'll finish it...and so the car sing-a-longs begin!

James and I went for a walk the other day. All of the houses in my moms neighborhood have short driveways, but one. This one particular house has a long driveway covered in trees. James stopped and pointed and said, "Mommy-house is hiding!" I thought this was such an adorable observation from my little guy. Just last night we were reading his Curious George book that he loves so much lately. He opened the book and the first pages are blank. He looked up at me and said "George is hiding Mama!" These little concepts make me smile!

He's mastered all of his colors, (silver being my favorite) by 20 months old. Everything is now labeled by color. He's very proud of this accomplishment-as am I!

James is the ultimate backseat driver. If he feels that I'm going too fast, he'll tell me to slow down and be careful. If a car stops up ahead, he'll tell me not to crash. If he sees a police car, he'll say, "Mama Policeman!" which I must admit, I do appreciate at times. If I'm at a stop light, he tells me to "GO!" If we hit a pot hole, he says, "MAMA BANG!" The most fascinating thing to me is he knows directions and streets already. As soon as we turn on to Rt. 36, he says "Yay! See Watson Doggy!' because he knows we're close to home. If it's a night that I pick Andy up from the train and we have to pass our street, he says "Mama! See Watson!! Stop!!" He knows I've missed our street and he's letting me know. He knows how to get to my parents street, the McKenna's street, Ma's house (his great grandmother), and Liam's house (AKA The Alchorn's house). He knows exactly when the street or house is coming up and starts saying "YAY in the backseat." He also gets excited when we pass the Plympton Police station and he can see the police and firetrucks. I know, that at age 28, I'm lucky I can figure out where I'm going. Here he is at 22 months old already becoming a human GPS like his dad! Thank goodness he inherited Andy's excellent sense of direction!

I could clearly go on forever because there is so much I want to remember. As I said before, every day is something new and I never know what he's going to come out with. He is full-time entertainment. No matter how exhausted I am at the end of the day, there is absolutely nothing I would change. It's all so worth it and it all goes by way too quickly. Although I feel like my life can sometimes be a tornado, its one that I love. When I sit on the couch at the end of the day, and see little trucks, cars, stuffed animals, potty seats, etc scattered around my living room it reminds me that I have a beautiful little boy living with me now. I'm so thankful, and so blessed!

...and then there were 2!

It's been so long since my last blog. It must have been a combo of being newly pregnant, working full-time, and chasing a very busy toddler.

I need to make sure I document some fond memories from the past few months, that went by so fast, it's all a blur to me!

Andy and I have been planning on having our second baby pretty much since we had our first. James made everything so easy and beautiful for us. We knew we wanted another one, and we didn't want to wait long. We wanted James to have a built-in buddy whom which he could share Christmas memories, to play with in the back yard, and have little camp outs with in his bedroom. Someone he can experience everything with. His life-long companion.

I took the positive pregnancy test on Friday, November 12, 2010. Andy had gone to the store, and I took the test on a whim. James, who has always been a fantastic sleeper, for some reason woke up and was crying for me right as I read the positive result. I went in his room, picked him up out of his crib, and rocked him in the chair while crying tears of joy. The little guy in my arms had no idea that his life was going to change in 8 months. It was perfect to share those first moments, knowing I was now a mom of two, with my beautiful baby boy.

This time around, I couldn't wait for Andy to get home to share the surprise with him. He called me on his way home, and I asked if he had someone to stand in for me in the softball tournament we were scheduled to play in the following weekend. Right away he knew what I meant. His reaction was perfect-total happiness and some of the happiest laughter I've heard from him! He eased any, "What am I about to get myself into?" feelings I had since seeing the plus sign on the test. Andy came home and ran upstairs, and we hugged in the bathroom (so romantic), and started wondering, "Will James have a little sister or a little brother?"

Within three weeks, I was face down in the toilet again, right on schedule. Morning sickness has been tough, but not at all compared to what I went through while pregnant with James. It's hard to say if this baby is just being easier on me, or if removing my 4hr commute to work had something to do with it. I've been able to take my time to get out of bed, and wear comfortable clothes all day. I'm not faced with sketchy smells coming from any cubicles nearby. I could create a happy, pregnancy bubble full of pleasant smells.

It's hard to believe I'm in the fifth month of pregnancy now. I feel like this is moving along so much faster than my first, having a toddler to keep me busy. I've recently started feeling some stronger movements in my belly, which helps remind me that I have another baby with me at all times. Our anatomy appointment was Friday, February 25th. Andy and I both agreed it would be a win-win whether we have a girl or a boy. One of each would be nice, but two little boys to grow up together would be priceless. We lucked out and the baby was very cooperative. As soon as the ultrasound tech put the "wand" on my belly, the baby was dancing on the screen-so big and so active already. The tech kept us in suspense as she did all the measurements and checked everything, avoiding the pelvic area. Finally the moment came. She asked, "Do you want to know the gender." Both of us couldnt get the word, "YES" out of our mouths fast enough. There it was, his little "manliness" clear for both of us to see. James was going to have a little brother. We knew we had Thomas Liam McKenna growing stronger each day in my belly. We held hands and cried tears of joy together.

We spent the car ride home talking about what moments we have ahead of us. Two little boys-pure chaos. We talked about feetie pajamas, Christmas mornings, the first days of school, and their first baseball games. We talked about high school for them-getting to share the experience together. We laughed how they can be referred to as "The McKenna Boys." It's all so exciting-we have so much to look forward to!

As for now, I'm going to enjoy my pregnancy and take it one day at a time. Words can't describe how excited I am to meet this little boy, and introduce James to his little brother. However, I want to take in every moment with James for now. It's a bittersweet feeling changing from a mom of one, to a mom of two. I can't help but fight some of the guilty feelings of missing out on more one-on-one time with James. I know once that baby is in my arms it will all fall into place, but for now I will enjoy every cuddle, snuggle, laugh, giggle, cry, and kiss with my little boy, who will soon look so big.

It's A Wonderful Life

The month of December has always been special to me. I'm a December baby, and therefore feel that I partly own the month. I always got to celebrate my birthday by going out to get the Christmas tree and decorating it with my mother. I got to watch as my brother would string lights up "Chevy Chase Style" on our house so it would be lit for all of my birthday guests. We would sing Christmas carols at my party. I would look forward to an early December dusting or snowstorm to make me my own winter wonderland. Mixing Christmas with my birthday made the month a little merrier.

As if this month couldn't get more fabulous, Andy and I started dating on December 7th, 2002. This gave me something extra to celebrate in the month of December. Three years later, December 15, 2005, Andy took me for a walk in Boston Common to see the Christmas lights. It was snowing-an absolutely a beautiful night. He got down on one knee and told me he wanted to be the one to make every one of my dreams come true. Andy knew how much I loved December-and I remember him saying, "Now we can celebrate your birthday the first week, our engagement the second week, Christmas the third week, then New Years-you have something to make you smile every week in December." I love the way he thinks.

We've been sailing along happily, celebrating our little milestones. Last year we had our 5 month old celebrating his 1st Christmas. We dressed him in a cute little Christmas sweater on Christmas Eve and he celebrated with the Conway's at our family Christmas party. Christmas Morning was a memorable one. James had been watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for practically his entire life, and my mother had bought him a Mickey stuffed animal. We unwrapped his 1st Christmas gift, and his eyes bugged out of his head! He couldn't believe he had his very own Mickey. The expression on that 5 month old face was priceless, and one I'll remember forever. Mickey got lots of hugs that day, and James was one very happy baby. 

Baby's 1st Christmas!

"While visions of sugarplumbs danced in their heads." Daddy and James sleeping on Christmas Eve.

Mickey? Really? NO way!!

Hugs for Mickey!

This year has been even better-just when I thought it was not possible. My mother bought him a personalized Santa book. She's been reading it to him daily. He can now pick out Santa Claus-who he refers to as "Ca Claus," reindeer (rindeer), the snowmen (mowman), and the angel. She has also been collecting those crazy, animated, stuffed animals shaped like all of the Christmas all-stars that sing all of the Christmas classics. James runs around the house, collecting them on the kitchen floor. He presses all of the buttons (it amazes me how he knows where each button is on each animated animal, snowman, and tree), and dances like a little maniac in the midst of the Christmas chaos. He cracks himself up (and us too). My father has been playing the song, Mary's Boy Child-by Bony M for as long as I can remember. This has now become James' favorite song. He comes in the house, shouts, "Papa! Song!," and my dad will put it on. They both dance around the house and he laughs the loudest belly laugh. He's started to learn the words, "day, angel, more, Christmas." To me, this is heaven. Seeing him enjoy my parents makes me so happy.

James with Frosty and Doggy-2 out of the 100 of my mom's animated Christmas friends. He walks around hugging them all day.

Andy and I took James to see Santa Claus at the mall. This can always be an "ify" process with toddlers. For some reason, Santa can come off as terrifying, rather than jolly. While we waited in line, James socialized with all of the kids waiting anxiously for Santa. All of their faces reflected pure horror. James was walking up to them with his little dimples and truck, saying "HI!" He added humor to the long line. When he was next in line to finally see Santa, he was trying to cut in front of the little boy (who clearly had no desire to sit on Santa's lap). It was hard to hold him back. It was finally his turn. He ran over to Santa, shouting, "HI CA CLAUS! HI CA CLAUS!" The child was not shy. He got right up on Santa's lap and flashed his adorable smile for the camera. He looked at Santa with the happiest face, and kept giggling. It was hard to pry him away. Talk about a happy first experience meeting Santa! I, of course, was all weepy-seeing him with Santa and knowing Christmas had that pure, innocent, happiness again!

Santa's #1 Fan!

This morning, we woke to a glorious winter wonderland. I ran into James' room and told him it was finally time to wear his "boot shoes" that he had been eyeing for a month.He proudly gave me his feet, and I bundled him up. We stepped out into the snowy morning, both with the biggest smiles on our faces. I put him down into the snow, and watched him kick it around a little-trying to figure it out. His little arms went up over his head, and he looked up at the sky. The snowflakes fell so lightly on his little button face. He was in his glory-and so was I. My neighbor shouted from across the street that he was excited he got to witness James' first walk in the snow. It was so cute!! Tonight we bundled him up, and Patrick, my dad, James, and I ventured out in the snow. We made a small snowman, James made his first snow angel, and I taught him how to eat snow-which he loved. He ran around shouting "WEEEEEE!" at the top of his little lungs! Without realizing it, I was there beside him, doing the same thing. I had become a child again. The two of us had a blast-more fun I've had in the snow in years! The best part is-its only the beginning!

1st night playing in the snow. He loved it!

I taught him to eat snow. I'll eventually have to teach him to stay away from the yellow snow!

I can't begin to explain how excited I am to see James enjoy Christmas this weekend. We've been telling him all about Santa and the presents he'll be getting. I can't wait to see him dance the "Conway Dance" with all of his great aunts and uncles to Mary's Boy Child. I can't wait to put him in his little Christmas pajamas and tuck him in to bed by the glow of the Christmas lights. I can't wait to see his little sleepy eyes and messy hair on Christmas morning, when he spots all of his presents under the tree. I can't wait to see all of the adult faces light up with joy when he gives them his gifts-his precious hugs and kisses.

This is what Christmas is all about. Thank you James, for helping your father and I find the magic and excitment of Christmas all over again. We've been waiting patiently for this. It was worth the wait. Life is wonderful!

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault

I've always appreciated babies, but until I had my own I didn't truly grasp what little miracles they were. When I held James for the first time, I experienced first hand how defenseless and helpless he was. Without an adults assistance, he could not do anything for himself. All he could really do was stare, (and boy did he do a lot of that), and let out an occasional cry to let us know something wasn't right.

The early days with James. We would stare at each other for hours at a time.

Sixteen months later, I can't believe he is the same child. I'm in awe. I am sure other moms can agree with me when I say, every day its something new-and my goodness it goes by fast. I've tried so hard to retain as many "firsts" as I possibly can. I've written things down, but unfortunately lost my "log" and have had to go from memory, and I've taken as as many pictures and videos as I can. It still doesn't feel as though its "enough." I feel like so many of these precious moments are passing me by and I don't have time to sit and appreciate them...so tonight my blog is dedicated to that-those "small things" that in the moment seemed so big.

James Smile-His smile lights up my life-my entire world. Between his extremely expressive eyes (that I swear sometimes twinkle), tiny button nose, and beautiful dimples (thank you Daddy), he can melt even the coldest of hearts. I remember my mom telling me that I smiled from the moment I was born-and she swears it wasn't just "gas." I always figured it was a "mommy exaggeration," but then had a little "smiler" of my own. Within a few days, my newborn was smiling up a storm. It wasn't a "gas" smile, like my mom had once said, it was a real smile. He was born so happy. James cannot keep a straight face-very much like his mother. He wakes up with a smile on his face, smiles even when he's being fresh, and as I kiss him goodnight he puts his head on his pillow with a smile on his face.  I feel like happiness radiates from this boy!

When he smiles, his entire face lights up. No doubt he has the Irish eyes!

His Laughter-As if his big smile wasn't enough, along came his laugh. He started laughing when he was a month old. For those of you who have heard it, you understand just how unique it is. Its not quite a laugh, but more of a cackle-and it is beyond contagious! He "cackles" so hard he can't catch his breath. The only other person I've ever met with such an amazing laugh, was my Aunt Mary. I swear he shares so many of her qualities-and the laugh is one of them. Its like she is living on through his laughter.

Rolling Over-The first time James ever rolled over was actually when he was a day old. It was very strange and Andy and I kind of sat there staring in bewilderment. Thank goodness it was the one and only time until he was 9 weeks old. He always loved being on his belly, but once he grew interested in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, he refused to play on his stomach, and would roll over to get a better view of the T.V. Before long he was able to roll over both ways. He had found his means of transportation. He would barrel roll over to any object he was interested in. Such a sight to see!

His first means of transportation-the roll. Watson was a common target. James loves his furry friend!

Feeding Himself-I hate wishing anything away, but boy did I miss having my hands free the first few months. I lucked out and James quickly learned how to burp himself. He mastered this by 8 weeks old. This allowed me to prop him in his Boppy with a receiving blanket and bottle and have a few minutes to do things around the house. By 6 months old, he was holding the bottle on his own-as a matter of fact started "pounding" his bottles. I remember sitting with a few friends one day in a Food Court at the mall, with James standing on my lap, bottle straight up in the air-chugging. As soon as he was done, he slammed the bottle down on the table, like the true Irishman he is. As a matter of fact, he was wearing his Scally Cap that day. James was just about 7 months old when he mastered the "pinching grasp," which now allowed for him to feed himself snacks-and freed up more time for Mommy! By his first birthday, he had broken the bottle habit and was a pro feeder! We are still working on the utensils-its quite a messy experience!

Pay no attention to the date-my camera is always wrong. This is circa January 2010. The little guy was able to sit up and hold his bottle! I was hands free!

This picture was taken the day of the food course bottle session!

Crawling to Walking-James didn't just get up on all fours one day and take off, it was more of a progressive process. The early stages of his crawling, consisted of him lying on his belly and dragging himself with his elbows (yes, an army crawl). I actually remember the first time he did it. He has a Wally the Green Monster stuffed animal and I used it as bribery. I would hold it just a little of his reach, and he would drag himself over to me. It didn't take long before he realized that his knees were helpful in the process, and he took off. He would fly around the house on his hands and knees. It was amazing to watch him become slightly independent (for a six month old). His first steps surprised me around 10 months old. Quickly he was able to walk in a straight line (no quick turns). His first birthday marked the end of his crawling era. He was a big boy, and big boys walk-or these days run-to their destinations!

Up on all fours and moving around at a faster pace-not long until he's up on his two legs! Look at that determined face!

...and he's off! Getting ready to retire his crawling lifestyle!

Pointing-At first James would do the whole palm point. He would aim his palm at anything he wanted or was interested in. It took him a little bit to master the one finger point, but he soon got it. He likes to use it as often as possible. He uses it as a learning tool, by pointing at things and asking "Dat?" or as a means of discipline "BOH! BOH!" Watson gets the "BOH! BOH!" a lot (along with most dogs-he lets them know who is boss) and my dad, who loves to tease him. This past weekend James was getting excited to take a big bite out of a cupcake and my dad decided to fake a bite out of it. James' jaw dropped, and immediately the little finger came out-"BOH! BOH! PAPA!" Nothing comes between James and his sweets!

His Language-I told Andy when I was pregnant, that the baby might come out looking like him, but he'll talk a lot like me. This actually happened. James was 5 months old when he started babbling "Mama." I knew he didn't technically know what he was saying, but I knew it was early for him to be doing it. I wasn't surprised when at 8 months he said his first "official" word. I was changing his diaper (and at this point, he was all about rolling over mid-diaper change). I held a wiffle ball over his head to distract him from the rolling movement, and said "ball." He looked at it, then at me, and as clear as day said "BALL." His wiffle ball became his favorite toy-and everything else shaped like a ball as a matter of fact. Sometimes he'd even say it with an Italian accent-Bal-le. Its almost an obsession for him-for instance, on Halloween while trick-or-treating, he would search for candy shaped like a ball. Between the word ball and his animal sounds, James was in his glory communicating with us. He knew all of his animal sounds by 9 months, of which the lions roar was his favorite. He would growl at everyone. He could fill in the "woof woof" when I'd sing "How Much is That Doggy in the Window," and say "wee wee wee" for all the way home. At 16 months, James has started putting words together-which amazes me. He can understand simple commands and I can understand what he is asking and saying. I am able to successfully communicate with my baby-wow!

There it is-his blue wiffle ball. His favorite toy. This was the actual ball that I used to teach him the word, "ball."

Singing and Dancing-James loves music. Barney and Baby Boost are his shows of choice (since they are based around music). He wants to be able to sing along. He used to just hum along with all of his favorite songs, and sway in his playpen. Just recently he has really started singing. He has almost mastered "Twinkle Twinkle" and can hit a lot of words right on cue in his favorite songs. To me, its amazing. His singing face is a sight to see. He curls his little eyebrows up and just lets out this soft, high pitched, hum. He means it! He has watched Barney and Baby Boost so much, he is now the master of marching, falling down, clapping his hands, shouting "Hooray," beep beeping, etc. He's a dancing machine!

OK-so this isn't him really rocking out, since he was only a few weeks old. It made you smile though, didn't it? Told you his happiness is contagious!

  I feel that I could go on forever, and will probably blog about some more of my "favorites" that were not mentioned this time around. I just don't want to forget each little milestone he has. Time is cruel that way, and sometimes details that meant so much in a moment, somehow slip away. Watching the transformation from a newborn to a toddler has been an incredible journey. I don't think the awe will ever really go away. One day he wasn't here-then the next he was. One day he was this tiny little being in my arms, just staring at me-now he can run up to me and wrap his arms around me. One day I was feeding him his bottle-now he shares his cookies with me and "feeds Mama." One day I would play peek-a-boo to make him smile, and now he plays peek-a-boo with me to make me smile. Life goes by quickly-enjoy the little things-because someday they'll
be big.

My little bug surprising me with a hug. I love that even with his slight independence, he still comes back for love!