I had a scheduled my repeat c-section for 7/22/11. This made it so easy to prepare for the birth of our second baby. I was able to pack everything for James and Watson and make sure they were in good hands so I could be in peace as Andy and I prepared to met our second baby. This also meant that the entire week leading up to the delivery, I was in tears-cherishing every moment with my "only child." My mother said that James would not remember life without Thomas, and this would send a bittersweet sting to my heart. I wanted to soak up every second with my oldest boy. We did something fun each day and every night I lingered just a little bit longer than usual running my hands through his soft hair, and touching his perfect cheeks. I held him in my arms, rocked him, sang to him, read to him...let him know how much I loved him every chance I could. I was so afraid that our relationship was going to go through some crazy change when Thomas came into the picture. I was afraid that James was going to feel jealousy, and be hurt that we had brought a new baby boy into his home. I was a basket case trying my best to hold it together.
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| Ready to meet our baby! Before leaving for the hospital 7/22/11 |
I dropped him off at my in-laws the night before the c-section. I had carefully packed his bags for his 5 day stay with them. I carried on some light hearted small talk in the kitchen and quickly kissed him good bye before running out of the house-and I mean RUNNING! You've never seen a 9month pregnant woman move so fast. I didn't want anyone to see the tears streaming down my face. I was beyond excited to meet my new baby, but was overwhelmed with fear-of the c-section, of James' reaction, that my heart might not be able to love two babies equally....so much unknown!
I don't think I really slept that night. I cleaned until midnight, then tossed and turned for the rest of the night. Thank goodness 6a.m. came quickly. Andy packed the car and we were on our way to the hospital!
My knees were like jello as we checked in. I was scheduled for a c-section at 11a.m. They put in the IVs and got me comfortable while I waited. Apparently it wasn't busy that day, because at 9:20a.m. they said they were ready to bring me in. I kissed Andy good-bye while they wheeled me down to the O.R. I was minutes away from meeting my baby!
A scheduled c-section is much different than an emergency one. With James, I had labored so long I would have let them operate without medications. I just wanted him out. The contractions, and hours of pain, had made me so exhausted I was numb. I didn't remember what the operating room looked like, or what really happened up to the moment I held James. With my planned c-section, I took in every detail of the room, every smell, every face. I was terrified for the surgery and thought I was going to feel everything. I was so wrong! The spinal was intense. I went from feeling everything, to complete numbness. The nurses lifted my legs on the table and I was shocked that I had no feeling.
Andy came in the room and we had a conversation while the doctor started the procedure. It seemed like just a couple minutes before I heard the most beautiful sound in the world-a newborn cry. There are no words to ever describe the way that sounds affects a mother. It took my breath away. If I could live those first moments over and over again, I would. I looked up at the curtain to see Thomas' smooshed little face, and heard the doctor say, "Hi Mommy!" I couldn't believe he was here. Andy leaned down and kissed me and we pressed our foreheads together and cried. Thomas Liam McKenna arrived at 9:42a.m. on July 22, 2011 weighing 8lbs 9oz and measuring 20" long. We felt so blessed!
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| Welcome to the world Thomas Liam! |
Andy ran over to cut the cord and take a sneak peek at our new, little miracle. He came over to report that everything was perfect and he was healthy. Before I knew it, I was looking into Thomas Liam's beautiful eyes. He was all bundled up like a baby burrito, resting next to my head. He was sucking the air so loud that the doctor on the other side of the curtain was laughing. Another doctor came over to say that he came out with his fists up, peeing on everyone. Something I'll be sure to share with him someday.
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| Holding my baby boy for the first time! |
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| His feet cracked me up. They were always breaking free of my swaddle. |
I spent the entire first day holding him and trying to study every feature. My father once called me "an intruder" because I invaded the family of 5. I understood what he meant. Thomas didn't look like James, so I had to work a little harder to memorize his little features. He was my own little intruder!
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| My little intruder! |
I had Thomas bundled in my arms when James came in the room. I was greeted with the biggest smile from him. He ran over to my bed squealing, "Hi Mama!" When I lowered the blanket to reveal his little brother to him, he slammed on his little breaks and stepped back. His face looked bewildered. My heart felt a twinge of pain. I knew it, he was heartbroken. I tried to stay enthusiastic as I showed James his little brother. He studied him, trying to figure it out. I didn't want anyone to know how scared I was of upsetting him. My uncle walked in the room at that moment and James turned to him and said with a big smile on his face, "Look Uncle Bobby, it's my brother Thomas!" I bawled. In front of everyone, I bawled. Nine months of roller coaster emotions came out like the Great Flood. James had accepted him and everything was going to be OK. I could breathe.
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| James showing Thomas his toy! |
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| Feeding his baby brother for the first time! |
I couldn't have been luckier with the way James responded to his baby brother. He loved him from the start. This made the transition from one, to two babies much easier on me. I had been so worried and afraid for nothing. James instantly took on the role of the big brother. He asked to hold him, feed him, tickle him, give him his pacifier, etc. He even innately started talking to him with the most tender of tones. For anyone who knows James, you know how loud he can be. When he talks to Thomas, he has a sweet whisper and such a gentle touch. It amazes me that a two-year-old would naturally know how to do that without having me teach him.
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| Our first "family of four" picture! |
I never knew my heart would be capable of loving so much. I love James, I love Thomas, and I love the relationship that James and Thomas have as brothers. Andy and I always say that we couldn't have made a better decision than to have had our babies so close together. I get excited knowing what they have in store. My hope is that they continue to grow their bond and someday be best friends. I know I will enjoy nurturing it!
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| Giving Thomas his pacifier. Big helper! |
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| Snuggling Thomas |
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| "Mommy, can I hold Thomas?" Already a pro with one week experience as a big brother! |
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