Before you go to sleep...say a little prayer. Every day in every way it's getting better and better...

Here I am, almost a year later from my last blog post. Thomas started walking and, well, life picked up pace!

I've had so many blog ideas going through my mind over the past year, and finally tonight, while lying in bed singing to the boys, I realized its time to get typing and documenting more sweet memories of my Beautiful Boys...

Like I've said, (and will probably repeat post after post), life feels like it is on fast-forward. It's a crazy thing. While in traffic the other day, I was thinking about life, (I'm such a deep person). To me a month, for the most part, feels like no time at all...but to Thomas, who has only had 22 months of life on this earth, a month means one or more major milestones. He's not singing his full A,B,C's this month, but you know-in another 30 days, he might have it mastered! 

So here I am...46 months into motherhood. In another 2 months, I'll be saying I have a 2 and a 4 year old. How this happened, I have no idea. I am a mom. I keep two boys alive every day. Somedays it is more of a challenge, (especially with the terrible 3's-whoever said it was the terrible 2's had it all wrong). 

3 has been the most "interesting" age thus far. James, who has always been a very verbal child, has become a lawyer. He is full of questions, is constantly challenging me, and has his word bank of "fresh" words to spit fire at me when he's upset. Somehow, despite his little mouth, love for teasing his brother, and thorough enjoyment of watching me chase him to try to get his shoes on, he still still manages to possess a sweetness about him that makes him a magnet for people. He loves his friends, his family, his pets, and his toys. He can be a world class stinker during the day, but when he's tired-in my arms is the only place he wants to be. I have been talking myself through this stage, reminding myself that he is a boy and he must have an abundance of testosterone pumping through that tiny body. I'm convincing myself to let him "do his thing" as long as at the end of the day he'll still snuggle me, carry his stuffed animals around, and make me kiss him 100 times before he closes his eyes at night. My goal is to raise my boys with a perfect blend of tough and soft. I respect his love of knowledge, the fearlessness when he stands up to Andy, (who towers over him and could technically squash him like a bug if he wanted to), when he thinks his argument is worth fighting for, and his energy for life. He wakes up each morning ready to take on the day. He runs in the room with his booming voice and asks "What are we doing today, Mom?" I don't know how all of that fits into one small human, but it does. It's my little, scrappy, James Andrew. 

Being the big brother is a tough, but satisfying job for James. Most of the time, he soaks it up. He enjoys greeting Thomas every morning, (before Andy or I do). He accepts the task of picking out which toys Thomas should play with first. He likes repeating good news to Thomas. On the flip side, if he is in his "terror" mood, he also enjoys saying the opposite of what Thomas wants, "teaching" Thomas which toys are not his to play with, or purposely going out of his way to annoy his baby brother. I'm trying to remove the sentence, "James-you know better," from my vocabulary. I sometimes forget that James was only 2 when Thomas came into the picture. He's only 3 now-and handling the role of a big brother is a big job. I have to step back and realize that this little guy is still trying to figure out life himself!  Lately we've been working on this. James gets my reassurance that he is being a good brother by giving me a thumbs up. If I respond with a thumbs up, his face lights up and he is happy-which in return, makes me, (and Thomas), happy! 

Being the little brother also has it's up's and down's. He is constantly being robbed, he can't run fast enough when being chased, (or when trying to make a getaway with a good toy or snack), and he lacks the vocabulary to defend himself with words. However, he's got Mom and Dad to protect him, (and he knows it)! If Thomas manages to sneak something from James, he knows to book it to me. This way, once James discovers what has gone down, he has me to protect him. I know this skill-I mastered it myself (being the youngest child and all). When James and Thomas are at school or the playground, James acts as Thomas' bodyguard. If anyone approaches, he introduces Thomas as his little brother and makes sure everyone is nice to him. In return, Thomas always has James' back. He mimics everything James does, guards James' toys when he walks away, and hugs James any chance he can get. Seeing this bond form between these two little men is what keeps me going every day!

At 22 months, Thomas' personality is really starting to shine. He is a lovebug. I felt guilt for the first year of his life because I was so busy and occupied with James, I didn't get that extra newborn snuggle time that I had cherished so much when James was born. Thomas has made up for it now. He reminds me of a little kangaroo baby-always wanting to be in my lap. He brings me toys and books and just turns around as if to tell me, "get ready, I'm about to sit in your lap." During family movie time, he has to sit in my lap. "Mommy sit!" is a common command for him. If he wants to relax, he wants me beside him.  He enjoys surprising Andy and me with spontaneous "I love you Daddy's" and "I love you Mommy's." If I'm on the floor playing with James, he'll sneak up behind me and give me a big hug and kiss. I can hear him coming by his little giggles (he's not good with holding in his anticipation)! When he stands beside James while they play, I"ll catch him resting his head on James' shoulder-his way of giving him a little hug. Thomas loves a good prank and he loves being silly. He dances his way into a room-not just walking, but really busting a move. When he gets excited, he dances in a little circle (and actually says, "Dance! Dance! Dance!" It's his happy dance. He's a happy guy. 

The boys and I are finally falling into a solid bedtime routine. It's taken a while, lots of starts and stops, but I think we have one set in stone now. They line up at my bureau, and each night one of us gets to be "line leader" and the other is "door closer." We march to their room, (Thomas loves when Daddy is there to cheer us on). Door closer makes sure the door is closed, I shut off the light, then its time to sing. I turn into a human juke box. They shout out songs and I sing. Thomas' requests are almost always "Gaga" (Bad Romance) or "Papa" (Morningtown Ride). He throws in "Bus" (Wheels on the Bus) every once in a while to mix it up. James always requests "We are Young" (his favorite), but right before we go to sleep-right as my body is relaxing, knowing I've survived another day with my busy boys, he asks me to sing "Monsters Gone and Daddy's Here," (Beautiful Boy by John Lennon). I sing it at least 3 or 4 times for him. This not only relaxes him, but it relaxes me too. I tune into the words (and try not to think of how out of tune I actually am)....

Close your eyes

Have no fear

The monsters gone, he's on the run and your daddy's here...

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep

Say a little prayer

Every day in every way 

It's getting better and better

Beautiful beautiful beautiful

Beautiful Boy

Out on the ocean

Sailing away

I can hardly wait

To see you come of age

But I guess we'll both just have to be patient

Cause it's a long way to go

A hard row to hoe

It's a long way to go

But in the meantime

Before you cross the street

Take my hand

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep

Say a little prayer

Every day in every way

It's getting better and better....

As chaotic and as fast paced as my life may feel, I wouldn't trade it for anything. These two beautiful, beautiful boys have surely rocked my world-but they are me. They are who I am. I can dwell on what I may be doing wrong daily, how stressed I may feel, or how sometimes I really just miss the days of a long, quiet shower without a paparazzi at the door, but the fact that they want to be there with me-every second shows me that I'm doing something right. As I sing the words, "every day, in every way it's getting better and better" I remind myself that the difficult parts of today will be the ones I'm laughing about tomorrow, and ones someday in the future I'll miss, and will want back for just a moment. 

Tonight we are young...so let's set the world on fire, we can glow brighter, than the sun!

As you can see from the lack of posts, life has been pretty busy. I'm always thinking about the blog and am trying to embed every cute moment in my mind so I won't forget, but it all moves so fast these days. At times I wish I had a built in camera in my head so I could record it all. I want to soak up every cute moment, (even some of the not so cute moments), so I can look back and enjoy for a second time when I have a chance to breathe.

James and Thomas going for their first stroll in their wagon together. I remember when James got this as a Christmas gift, I thought "someday I'll be able to pull two around in there!"

Now, I'm not saying my photo albums and video library are not full of "moments" that I've managed to capture, (trust me, I have quite the collection), but it's those "in between" moments-the silent moments, when I can look over and watch as James stands like a little soldier thinking. Or the way he lines his cars up, and always has, or how he begs to pick out "one, two cars" for every road trip we take (and holds up his hands as if to say, I want one for each hand), or how he starts to ask to "watch a woovie (movie) for a "cuckle minutes" (couple minutes) about a mile away from home every day. I know I'll miss the way he asks for "ackle juice and snacks" every morning-even that is beginning to change, and today he asked correctly for "apple juice and snacks." For so long, I didn't want to correct it, and I know that's wrong. I just loved the innocence of this language he has developed. I want to remember that every night as I cuddled him in bed for a few minutes, he'd ask me to hold his hand. He'd hold my hand by his mouth and I could feel the soft air of each breath on my fingers until it finally slowed down and I knew he'd fallen asleep. I know someday he won't run to me when I come to pick him up at school, and so happily say "I love when you come to school to pick me up Mommy." Someday he'll be using every day of the week, instead of just Thursday-since apparently everything happens Thursday in James' book-"I'll come to your house Thursday," "I'll have yunch (lunch) at Gramma's on Thursday," "I go to school Thursday." Or when he finally realizes that a few minutes or hours ago isn't "yesterday." Before I know it, he'll clearly be telling me to "look" at everything-instead of "yook," and when he sits on the couch and asks for me to rub his feet or back, they won't be so soft and small. I know he's growing up, and there is not a darn thing I can do about it but cheer on every accomplishment, take as many pictures and videos as I can, and try to enjoy it all-even the tough stuff like his loopy episodes when he won't nap, how he kicks the door to let me know he's awake, (and continues to kick harder the longer it takes for me to make it to his room), the fact that he loves to be naked right now, (calls himself NAKED BOY), or the darn spitting habit he's picked up along the way.

Clean from his tubby, with a little help of some baby oil, the mowhawk at it's finest!

...and for Thomas-oh my Mr. Thomas. I feel like I blinked and he's already almost a year old. I thought James' first year of life was a blur, but somehow Thomas out did it. Those beautiful blue eyes and chubby cheeked smile have been the frosting on our cake. His giggles-they are priceless...especially when they are aimed at James. I've never seen a baby love to eat more than my little Tommy. He could eat all day long, (which makes me a little thankful that I went the bottle feeding route). He quickly picked up how to hold a bottle by himself, how to feed himself, and how to let us know he wants more. His sneaky ways keep Andy and I laughing-and James on his toes. James has a concentration level like none I've ever seen-which makes him an easy target. If we give James a cup of snacks and a cup of juice, if he doesn't keep one eye on Thomas, it will be stolen. Thomas is a thief-and he's good at it, (this is the only time I'll admit it and think that this is cute-and it better not go past stealing his brothers snacks and toys). At the sound of a beat of music his whole body starts dancing and he claps his hands so hard-he loves music. He does this cute little rock and his eyes twinkle when he dances. He gets little "smile wrinkles" next to his eyes-just like Andy. I've always loved the way Andy's eyes light up when he smiles-and Thomas inherited that from him. He crawls like a one-legged pirate, and sits on his little bum and goes in circles (Friends fans-he PIVOTS). He snuggles his whole body into me when he's tired, right under my chin, and lets me rock him as he falls asleep. He just recently hit the throwing stage, and lets us know he's angry by throwing and kicking his right leg like an angry leprechaun. I can't forget to mention his signature mowhawk. This mowhawk gets more attention than anything else. People always ask me if I purposly cut it like that or style it that way. It's all natural-and he wears it well! The rest of his hair can't quite catch up to his flowing mowhawk!

Brotherly giggles-they already make each other laugh harder than anyone else.

Together, this team of brothers is quite the duo-and as their mom, I truely believe they are the most amazing two boys any mom could have. They bonded almost immediately. James loved the big brother role, and I can see in Thomas' eyes, he couldn't have hand picked a better brother. Hearing James say, "Thomas is my best friend mommy," or hearing him suddenly panic when he realizes Thomas isn't in the car, (if they are separated), is just so cute. He already has an eye out for him. Thomas kicks his legs so hard and reaches for James at first sight each day-or when we pick James up from school or Mimi's house. Their reunion, after only being separated for a few hours, is adorable. Although James sometimes steals Thomas' toys from him, he is very good at "exchanging." He mastered the art of "if I want to play with that toy that Thomas has, I better find something cool to distract him with." It took a little trial and error, but he finally has it down-and Thomas for the most part is fine with it. James knows to giveThomas his pacifier, feed him a Gerber puff or yogurt drop, hand him his bottle, or even to turn on his crib radio when he cries in the morning, all to make Thomas happy. For months, Andy and I belly ached about having them share a bedroom, but it was a smooth, and incredibly easy transition. Thomas finally slept through the night from the first night sharing with James. James embraced his big boy bed after a trip to build-a-bear, (and is extremely proud of his new bed). He enjoys visiting his old crib, (no pun intended), when Thomas wakes up in the morning. He climbs back in and they play until he's ready for his "ackle juice and snacks." James beams with pride when I bring Thomas to Crayon College-James' preschool. He loves telling everyone about T-bird (as he calls Thomas).

Thomas is probably driving James crazy in this picture. He rides in the back, and will taunt James the whole time-making him giggle harder! I think he has my sense of humor!

Tonight, they had a "sing off" in the back seat. Both of them were going back and forth-making the same sound. This went on for a long time. Andy and I just sat in awe and watched. They were making the same sound-in the same tone and were cracking each other up. This brings me to the title of the post. "Tonight, we are young so let's set the world on fire, we could glow brighter, than the sun." This is their favorite song right now. I know it will change, but for now we listen to it over and over again. James knows all the words-and sings them loud and clear. Thomas has the tune down and sings his little heart out when it's on. In the car, James will usually reach over and hold Thomas' hand while they sing it to each other. This gets me every time...EVERY time. Looking at them, looking at eachother, with their happy faces "singing." I want to bottle up that happiness and hold it forever.

Thomas in action-James is distracted, concentrating on making that goofy face. Thomas has time to sneak in and steal some Easter candy!

It's a Potty!

Happy Potty Party to you

Happy Potty Party to you

You are a big boy now

Happy Potty party to you...

Somewhere between morning smiles, busy days, and goodnight hugs James became a big boy.

February 2011-James 1st introduction to the potty. He sat on it with clothes on.  After this, it sat for  6 months unused. 

I remember well the night I dropped James off at my in-laws house. I looked at him knowing he'd never look so small to me again. I was so right. When he came to visit me in the hospital the day after Thomas was born, he looked so big. His new haircut added to his "big boy" look, but he looked huge compared to my newborn. Thank goodness I had prepared myself for this. 

He almost instantly took on the role as a big brother. I didn't hype up Thomas' birth as much as the books told me to because I didn't want to overwhelm James, or stress him out. About a month or so before my due date, I started telling James I had a baby in my belly and his name was Thomas. James was aware of this new presence, but I'm sure he didn't quite know what to expect...neither did I.

I couldn't have been more pleasantly surprised at how easily he transitioned into his new role. He knew Thomas was his. He would run to get Thomas' paci or bottle at the sound of a cry. He would make sure Thomas had his stuffed elephant with him every time we left the house. In the car, if Thomas started to stir, he would reach his little arm over to the elephant and pull its tail to make the music start. He would sing and play peek-a-boo to make Thomas look at him. In turn, Thomas fell in love with his big brother. It's hard to find a time when James is in the room with Thomas, that Thomas' eyes aren't on him. Before Thomas could smile, he would just stare. Once Thomas could smile, he would always share his biggest smiles and loudest giggles with his brother. They already have an unspoken language between them. They can just look at each other and start to giggle. I have loved watching their relationship blossom.

James, Auntie Coleen, and Thomas during one of James' first visits with Thomas. He was already acting like such a big boy and such a big help with his bottle!

I knew that I needed to start encouraging James to reach some milestones, but didn't want to rush him during this transition. I didn't want him to associate any changes in his life with Thomas' birth. I've let him stay in his crib, didn't take his paci away (although I always thought I'd break that habit by age 2), and most importantly I didn't push the potty scene. I let James enjoy any little bits of his "baby" self while he adjusted to his new, "BIG" role. 

Thomas' first day home. James was studying him and helping with his pacifier!

Paci for Thomas! Paci for James!

Once they were a whole 6 months into their lifelong relationship, I knew it was time to start pushing for some Big Boy behaviors. James had been using his pacifier for bed and in the car. The car was more of a selfish decision because it would keep him quiet for a car ride. Any mom knows how desperate you can be for some quiet time to get your thoughts straight. I started noticing that James wanted his paci more often though, and I knew that he was creating a bad habit. I knew it was time to go. I decided that throughout December, I'd talk to James about his magical paci's. I told him that he was a big boy now and they knew this. I prepared him for their magic act of disappearing. He was a little confused, and at times got frustrated and said "No mama! I don't want magic paci's," but I would tell him that magic paci's were cool. My first of many New Year's resolutions was to rid of the paci. New Years day came quickly. I sat there watching him getting ready for his nap, and I did it. I walked into the kitchen and took the scissors to the tips of all of his pacis. I didn't want to go back on my decision, so I made sure that there were no "survivors." I brought James up for his nap and with a shaky hand, gave him his "magical paci that had started to disappear." He was so confused and started whining. I wanted to cry with him. Eventually he put his head down and held his broken paci in his hand and went to sleep. He slept for 3hrs that day. I couldn't believe it. I didn't think I would be as lucky at bedtime, but to my surprise I was. He just asked to hold it in his hand. He told everyone about his magic paci and used it as some sort of bragging right. Within a week, he no longer asked for them. I was able to slip them into the rubbish and never look back. He's almost one month clean of the paci addiction. When I see old pictures of him sporting his paci, he looks like such a baby. I can't believe how quickly he adapted to this change. Although my quiet time is gone in the car, I've noticed how much clearer he is now talking and how many more words he is using. Apparently our car rides are good practice for him. Win!

James-all plugged up so I can have some quiet time in the car :)

One of his last nights with his pacifier cuddling Thomas by the Christmas tree!

His amazing ability to drop the paci habit got me thinking about potty training. I've listened to so much advice about training boys and how you should just wait until they are ready (which is around age 3 for them). James had started showing interest in the potty last September when I was on maternity leave. He would use it here and there but never showed full commitment and I wasn't going to push him. I wanted potty training to be as painless as possible for both him and me. I am planning on enrolling him in pre-school come April, so my goal has been to have him potty trained by then. I started telling James that he could go to school once he went on the potty and didn't need diapers anymore. I would have him finish the sentence, "James can go to school when..." and he would say "I go on the potty." I started coming up with potty songs and he'd sing along with me. This went on for a few weeks. Finally, he started showing lots of signs that he was ready. He would talk about the potty, showed interest in the undies I had bought him a while ago, and started going to the same spot (under the table) when he was going to the bathroom. I knew it was time. If he could take the time to go to the same spot every time he had to go, he could make that spot the bathroom. I gave myself a pep talk and got Andy and my mom on board with my decision to train. I didn't know what I was in for, but I knew I wanted support. 

A week before the training began, I told James that we would be having a potty party that weekend. For anyone that knows James well, you know he loves a good party. He is a party groupie. He's there to help anyone blow out a candle or to sing Happy Birthday at the top of his lungs. I knew a party would be a solid approach for this big step. I hyped the party up all week. I told him we'd wake up and put his undies on and we'd put the diapers away forever. I told him there would be prizes all day and once the weekend was over we'd have a cake at Gramma's house with everyone and sing "Happy Potty Party" to him (to be sung in the tune of Happy Birthday). He was thrilled. He told everyone about this potty party we were planning. He'd ask me about it during our conversations in the car each day. We'd sing the potty songs to prepare. He was ready.

His potty prize jars that were eventually filled with prizes and treats! Great bribery and he loves picking a reward each time he made it!

The morning of the potty party came. He woke up and we sang and cheered. We couldn't start all of the festivities right away because James and Thomas have a Saturday routine of going to Boston's with Pa and Coleen. They went out for their breakfast date and walk around the Plymouth waterfront, then came home around 11:30a.m. I put James in for a nap to make sure he was rested for his big afternoon. I had prepared big prize jars full of lollipops, colorful mini candy canes that looked like crayons, army men, matchbox cars, matchbox motorcycles, and other small toys. I wanted to make sure this jar was very tempting for a 2.5 year old. When he woke from his nap I went in cheering again. He proudly put on his underwear and help me tuck all of his diapers away. He went downstairs and did his superhero pose in front of Andy to show him his super cool Buzz Lightyear undies. We took deep breaths and watched some real magic unfold...

No accidents. From 2p.m.-9p.m. he had no accidents. I didn't have to prompt him to go, do any songs or dances, no potty entertainment, nothing. He went on with his daily routine (as well as Andy and me) and every once in a while we'd watch him dart by us and into the bathroom. Within a minute or so we'd hear, "I DID IT! I WENT ON THE POTTY!" This is not what I expected at all. I couldn't have dreamed of an easier potty training situation. I convinced myself it was beginners luck. At 9p.m. I put his pull up on (I'm not that confident), and put him to bed. 

Andy and I had kept our schedules clear for Sunday. James woke up and I put his underwear on right away. I started giving him lots of juice and water. I wanted him to have as much practice as possible. I think he broke some sort of potty record by going about 15 times before his nap time. Each time, he ran to the bathroom and went all by himself. I was upstairs putting laundry away when I heard news of his biggest accomplishment yet of his potty training journey..."I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID STINKIES ON THE POTTY ALL MYSELF!" I heard Andy get up from the couch. I ran down the stairs. He really did it. Our not so little boy anymore actually brought himself to the potty to do his business. He was so proud of himself. 

As promised, after his nap and a couple more trips to the potty, we put a pull up on to make our first trip out of the house to go buy him his potty party cake. We stopped at Walmart in Plymouth and got him a yellow monster cake (very appropriate), and made our way to Gramma's house. When we arrived, he was completely dry. I put his undies back on and we at dinner and played. About an hour into our visit, he said "Pee pee is coming!" He ran to the bathroom by himself and went. We all cheered for him, lit the candle on his potty party cake, and sang. You know your two year old is loved when his grandparents, cousin, uncle, and parents are all singing this ridiculous song to him super enthusiastically. He was beaming. He ate every last bit of his cake and played a little more. We packed him up, left his undies on, and drove home. When we got home, he was still dry. He went to the potty one last time before we tucked him in and said good-bye to his potty party weekend. 

Today he went to my moms house while I worked. I was wondering how he'd adjust to her house and his potty routine. He had one "small leak" in his pants before making it to the potty, but the rest of the day was successful. He napped in a pull up and woke up dry. I'm sure it won't be long until we can comfortably nap him in undies. James stats: 3 days of training, 1 accident, one  "leak." Not too bad if I do say so myself! :) 

My proud "Big Boy" and his potty party cake! 

Since he has been born, James has never ceased to amaze us. I have enjoyed every surprise he's given us, every smile he's brought us, and every bit of love he's shared with us. 

A baby fills a hole in your heart that your didn’t know was there...

I thought my heart was too full of love. I couldn't possibly fit any more...that was until July 22, 2011...

I had a scheduled my repeat c-section for 7/22/11. This made it so easy to prepare for the birth of our second baby. I was able to pack everything for James and Watson and make sure they were in good hands so I could be in peace as Andy and I prepared to met our second baby. This also meant that the entire week leading up to the delivery, I was in tears-cherishing every moment with my "only child." My mother said that James would not remember life without Thomas, and this would send a bittersweet sting to my heart. I wanted to soak up every second with my oldest boy. We did something fun each day and every night I lingered just a little bit longer than usual running my hands through his soft hair, and touching his perfect cheeks. I held him in my arms, rocked him, sang to him, read to him...let him know how much I loved him every chance I could. I was so afraid that our relationship was going to go through some crazy change when Thomas came into the picture. I was afraid that James was going to feel jealousy, and be hurt that we had brought a new baby boy into his home. I was a basket case trying my best to hold it together.

Ready to meet our baby! Before leaving for the hospital 7/22/11

I dropped him off at my in-laws the night before the c-section. I had carefully packed his bags for his 5 day stay with them. I carried on some light hearted small talk in the kitchen and quickly kissed him good bye before running out of the house-and I mean RUNNING! You've never seen a 9month pregnant woman move so fast. I didn't want anyone to see the tears streaming down my face. I was beyond excited to meet my new baby, but was overwhelmed with fear-of the c-section, of James' reaction, that my heart might not be able to love two babies equally....so much unknown!

I don't think I really slept that night. I cleaned until midnight, then tossed and turned for the rest of the night. Thank goodness 6a.m. came quickly. Andy packed the car and we were on our way to the hospital!

My knees were like jello as we checked in. I was scheduled for a c-section at 11a.m. They put in the IVs and got me comfortable while I waited. Apparently it wasn't busy that day, because at 9:20a.m. they said they were ready to bring me in. I kissed Andy good-bye while they wheeled me down to the O.R. I was minutes away from meeting my baby!

A scheduled c-section is much different than an emergency one. With James, I had labored so long I would have let them operate without medications. I just wanted him out. The contractions, and hours of pain, had made me so exhausted I was numb. I didn't remember what the operating room looked like, or what really  happened up to the moment I held James. With my planned c-section, I took in every detail of the room, every smell, every face. I was terrified for the surgery and thought I was going to feel everything. I was so wrong! The spinal was intense. I went from feeling everything, to complete numbness. The nurses lifted my legs on the table and I was shocked that I had no feeling.

Andy came in the room and we had a conversation while the doctor started the procedure. It seemed like just a couple minutes before I heard the most beautiful sound in the world-a newborn cry. There are no words to ever describe the way that sounds affects a mother. It took my breath away. If I could live those first moments over and over again, I would. I looked up at the curtain to see Thomas' smooshed little face, and heard the doctor say, "Hi Mommy!" I couldn't believe he was here. Andy leaned down and kissed me and we pressed our foreheads together and cried. Thomas Liam McKenna arrived at 9:42a.m. on July 22, 2011 weighing 8lbs 9oz and measuring 20" long. We felt so blessed!

Welcome to the world Thomas Liam!

Andy ran over to cut the cord and take a sneak peek at our new, little miracle. He came over to report that everything was perfect and he was healthy. Before I knew it, I was looking into Thomas Liam's beautiful eyes. He was all bundled up like a baby burrito, resting next to my head. He was sucking the air so loud that the doctor on the other side of the curtain was laughing. Another doctor came over to say that he came out with his fists up, peeing on everyone. Something I'll be sure to share with him someday.

Holding my baby boy for the first time!

His feet cracked me up. They were always breaking free of my swaddle.

I spent the entire first day holding him and trying to study every feature. My father once called me "an intruder" because I invaded the family of 5. I understood what he meant. Thomas didn't look like James, so I had to work a little harder to memorize his little features. He was my own little intruder!

My little intruder!

I had Thomas bundled in my arms when James came in the room. I was greeted with the biggest smile from him. He ran over to my bed squealing, "Hi Mama!" When I lowered the blanket to reveal his little brother to him, he slammed on his little breaks and stepped back. His face looked bewildered. My heart felt a twinge of pain. I knew it, he was heartbroken. I tried to stay enthusiastic as I showed James his little brother. He studied him, trying to figure it out. I didn't want anyone to know how scared I was of upsetting him. My uncle walked in the room at that moment and James turned to him and said with a big smile on his face, "Look Uncle Bobby, it's my brother Thomas!" I bawled. In front of everyone, I bawled. Nine months of roller coaster emotions came out like the Great Flood. James had accepted him and everything was going to be OK. I could breathe.

James showing Thomas his toy!

Feeding his baby brother for the first time!

I couldn't have been luckier with the way James responded to his baby brother. He loved him from the start. This made the transition from one, to two babies much easier on me. I had been so worried and afraid for nothing. James instantly took on the role of the big brother. He asked to hold him, feed him, tickle him, give him his pacifier, etc. He even innately started talking to him with the most tender of tones. For anyone who knows James, you know how loud he can be. When he talks to Thomas, he has a sweet whisper and such a gentle touch. It amazes me that a two-year-old would naturally know how to do that without having me teach him.

Our first "family of four" picture!

I never knew my heart would be capable of loving so much. I love James, I love Thomas, and I love the relationship that James and Thomas have as brothers. Andy and I always say that we couldn't have made a better decision than to have had our babies so close together. I get excited knowing what they have in store. My hope is that they continue to grow their bond and someday be best friends. I know I will enjoy nurturing it!

Giving Thomas his pacifier. Big helper!

Snuggling Thomas

"Mommy, can I hold Thomas?" Already a pro with one week experience as a big brother!

The Two's!

I can't believe my little guy is two years old! How did that even happen? They say time flies when you're having fun, but I feel like it was more of a blink of an eye!

We celebrated James' 2nd birthday on July 2nd. This year we chose to do a racecar theme since that was James' obsession for the year. I want to try to make that a tradition-whatever his "fad" was for the year will be the birthday theme. Our family and close friends came to my parents house to help us celebrate. My friend, Melissa, made the most amazing racecar birthday cake with racecar cookies. James couldn't take his eyes off of it. He was in his glory, knowing the day was all about him. I kept a close eye on him as he mingled with friends, and even sometimes went off to play by himself. He wore a constant smile on his face. All of his "people" were there, and on top of it all-to celebrate him!

When it came time to sing "Happy Birthday," I think I got through the first couple words before getting a lump in my throat. How was my baby turning 2? I watched his face light up with excitement when we lit the candles and started singing. Andy had downloaded the theme song to the Cars movie which thrilled the birthday boy. He blew out his candles all by himself (with no drool, thank goodness) and I handed him the rice krispie treat racecar from the top of the cake. Andy put him down on the grass, and he immediately broke into his happy dance. He loved every second.

James' amazing birthday cake made by Sweet Melissa's Cakes in Carver!

His happy little face eating his edible racecar!

The infamous happy dance-he does this dance everytime he hears the Cars theme!

After all the food was eaten, cake was devoured, and presents opened, I saw my tired birthday boy walking around somewhat taking it all in. I asked, "James are you tired from all the fun today?" He looked at me with a big smile on his face and replied, "I no sleepy Mommy, I happy." I'll never forget that moment. He is such a joy.

So the journey of the "terrible two's" has begun. I have a feeling with James, they might not be so terrible...or at least I hope so. His language has developed so much, that when he's being fresh, its actually funny. I really find it hard to keep a straight face as I try to discipline him. His most recent "freshy talk" is the use of the word "nothing." I don't know where this came from, but when he gets really upset he'll say "nothing bed," "nothing supper," "nothing etc." It's as if the word "nothing" is his swear word. No one has a clue where it came from, but it cracks me up. He'll fall of his bike and shout, "nothing bicycle" and then get back on. The word will never be the same! Tonight on the ride home, I said "is baby Thomas going to come out of mommy's belly next week." He sat and thought about it for a moment, and replied "Nothing Thomas!" O boy! If this is the extent of his temper, I think I can handle it!

As for his "sweeter words," I have been singing "I love James" to him since he was a baby. A couple months ago, he started replying with, "James loves Mommy" to the same tune. This melted my heart. Just recently, he started initiating the song out of no where. As I was driving home tonight, my mind crazy with "to do" lists, I heard "James loves Mommy!" come from the back seat. I replied with "Mommy loves James." He started giggling and kept singing it. It's so wonderful having a little lovebug who can now voice things like "I'm mommy's boy" or "I love Mommy." It makes it all worth it-even on the toughest of days.

His gift to us on his second birthday was swimming. My parents have a pool and we are very nervous about James being around it. We are constantly watching him when he's near it, or even when we're in the house. My mother has tied bells to all of her doors so that we can catch him trying to escape. The weather was beautiful on his birthday, so I got him in his bathing suit and my nephew Patrick took him in the pool. I peeked out the window to check-in on them and saw James swimming. Somehow my 14 year old nephew taught him to swim. I threw my bathing suit on and went down to the pool to test how far he could go. Granted he has his life vest with swimmies, but he was able to swim from the steps of the shallow end, to the edge of the deep end (where I stopped him) to give me a high five. He'd then turn around and make his way back to the steps. We've taken him swimming everyday since, and he keeps getting better and better. I'm hoping this will bring us "some" relief with him being around water. If we can teach him basics, or how to find the stairs, I'll feel so much more secure. In the meantime, I love watching his little froggy legs kicking and him doing the doggie paddle with a proud expression on his face. He calls himself "Nemo."

My little fishy and me!

So this month is officially the month of the 2's. My little guy is officially 2, Thomas will be joining us on the 22nd, I will be the mother of 2, and will have 2 boys to love and enjoy. Its a very bittersweet month. I'm excited to watch what two years old brings, I'm excited to see what being a mom of two feels like, I'm curious to see how my two boys will react to eachother, but I'm saying good-bye to a two year chapter of my life-James and me, as well as a 9month chapter of pregnancy. I love being pregnant-its a miracle and will never cease to amaze me, but I can't wait to get down on the floor and play with both of my boys. Here's to the new chapter. I have no doubt it will be the best one yet!

...and he makes my life worth living....

Less than a month until he is 2, and becomes a big brother. How is that possible? How is this little guy going to seem so big? Well....his personality is certainly a factor!

Of course all moms probably think their kids have the biggest personality, and I'm defintiely one of them, and I might have some witnesses who agree. This child sometimes blows my mind. When I was pregnant with James, I used to joke with Andy that he'd come out looking like him, but would have my personality. For those who know me, my personality goes hand and hand with my ever rambling mouth. I admit it, I never shut up. I always have something to say, or a story to tell. It's been that way since I was a baby, and I guarantee I'll never change...

I met my match...

James went from saying his first official word, "ball" at 8 months of age, to sentences by 18 months. From the moment he wakes in the morning, he is talking. I know he's awake because I can hear him talking to his stuffed animals, "Good morning Griffey Bear," "Good Morning Bumbee!" Then he tells them about the trucks and cars that are on the floor and says "We go to Gramma's house today to drive Papa's car." I'll come in the room and he instructs me to open his curtains and turn off his fan. He asks what outfit he'll wear, and I show him the shirt and have him tell me what is on it. He'll retain this information until we get to my moms house and he'll puff his little chest out and tell her exactly what's on his shirt. (example: pirate shirt, fireman shirt, dinosaur shirt, baseball shirt, etc). My mom will compliment him and he'll stand there smiling (and showing off).

As he approaches the "terrible two's," he's become a bit more demanding and a bit more of a dictator. He loves bossing people around-adjusting already to his role as a big brother I suppose. My father-in-law compared him to a little doll that you can pull a string and a few catch phrases will come out, "STOP" "Don't Worry" "Go away" "No thank you!" He puts this fake frown on and tries to act tough. He'll point his little finger like a tough guy, but unfortunately can't keep a straight face. He's a character.

A couple new things, other than his commands, that have brought me many smiles, have been how he points out all the cars and trucks on the road while I drive places. He'll tell me about the dump trucks, tractors, buses, police cars, fire trucks, and "ambances." He'll point out big mounds of dirt and say "messes mama, vacuum!" He back seat drives, so he'll instruct me when to stop, and when to go. He knows to look for the red and green lights. He tells me when to slow down or to "go fast." He gets nervous in drive-thru lines when I get so close-"Careful mama! Don't crash!" I swear he has a little of my mom in him!

I've been singing to him the same lullaby that my parents sung to me as a child, "Morningtown Ride." My parents were big into folk music and the Seekers were one of their favorite groups. About a week or so ago I started singing it to him, and he started singing along with me-literally every word. It's officially the first song that we've sung together word-for-word. For almost months now, I've been able to sing lines of songs and leave out the last word of each verse and he'll fill in the blank, but this is the first official song he has completely memorized, and it's adorable. I keep meaning to record him singing it, because his little voice is so precious.

I've been telling James that he's going to have a baby, and Baby Thomas is in my belly. A couple weeks ago, while out at a restaurant with my parents, my dad asked "Where is Thomas, James?" James pointed right to my belly and said "in mama's belly!" I couldn't believe it. He had been listening. Now if you say anything about Thomas, he comes right to my belly. I'm hoping this means he's getting excited, and will welcome the little intruder into his home with open arms! Either that, or he's picturing a miniature train in my belly-we shall see!

My mom has been taking him for walks each day. Everytime he sees a lilac bush, he insists on picking some for me. I'm sure the neighbors aren't too impressed, but my mom caves and lets him do it. He runs in the house and says "Mama! Pretty Flowers! Mama Happy!!" He insists on holding the flowers the whole walk home with no assistance from my mom. I think this started with the lilac bush outside of our house. Every night when we'd get out of the car, I'd bring him over to smell the flowers (one of my most favorite smells). He knew how much I loved these flowers, and now can pick them out anywhere. They are now officially "Mama's flowers" not lilacs!

We bought him a couple puzzles to play with. He will pretend to put the pieces in the wrong spots, or upside down and wait for us to look then says "No, silly James-that's not zebra," or "No, silly James, firetruck upside down!" He corrects himself, but wants us to laugh at his little joke!

Today I got the chance to take him down to the beach. We found crabs, hermit crabs, periwinkles, and a horseshoe crab. He held the crab and hermit crab in his chubby little hands and laughed hysterically. He kept calling the hermit crabs "buggies." I corrected him, but then I'd her him say "Mama, more buggies!" The smaller ones were "baby buggies" and the bigger ones were "daddy buggies." We had a great time at the beach, and he was exhausted tonight-early bed!

July 22nd, I'm scheduled for my c-section. I can't believe I'm going to have two boys. I try to wrap my mind around it, but I don't think I'll believe it until I'm holding Thomas in my arms. I'm sure Thomas is already familiar with that little (big) voice that talks non-stop from 8a.m.-8p.m. everyday. I'm sure it will bring him pure happiness, as it does to so many people already.

I'm positive in the next month, there will be a million more things that James will do that will bring a smile to my face. I'm a person who not only talks a lot, but smiles a lot. I have a happy heart. I just never knew how happy I could be until James came into my life.

Don't Blink!

So, here I am, 10 weeks away from becoming a mom of two little boys!

I can't believe how fast these months have flown by. James certainly has kept me busy. Each day is something new, fun, exciting, funny, you name it! Sometimes I feel like I'm in some crazy tornado, then it hits his bedtime, and I get the chance to reflect on what actually happened that day. There is nothing, in my opinion, more rewarding and interesting, then watching a child transform from a newborn to a walking, talking, joking, laughing, adventerous, toddler.

I try to store all of my favorite "James-isms" in my memory, but I don't want them to slip away. Some of the things he says and does are just so priceless to me. I love seeing his thought process.

I need to blog these memories down so they don't escape me like so many things do these days.

One of my most favorite "James words" is penyon. A penyon is his word for crayon. I believe its a cross between pen, which he learned first, and crayon. He loves coloring and writing his name with his penyons. I can't find it in myself to correct him because this word is just too cute. I, myself, now want to call crayons "penyons." I can't help but laugh when I hear him say it.

James' favorite toys are his racing cars and trucks. His cars aren't just cars, they must be racing cars. He loves things that go fast. Everything must go fast. I love when he runs by doorways saying "Hi Gramma! I go fast!" He has a little truck that he can ride on, and Patrick pushes him so fast that I can see James' hair blowing in the breeze. He squeals in delight.

Up until recently, James could count to 10, but would always slip up #5 for #9 which would make him jump from 1, 2, 3, 4, 9, 10. He would stop with a puzzled look on his face, like "hmm...I'm missing something" then start again. Just this past week he started successfully getting though the complete 1-11. He counts everything these days, but mostly his cars, his tub toys, and stairs. Every morning we come out of his bedroom and he says "Mommy, hand" and he gives me his hand. He takes his first step, and shouts out ONE, then goes all the way to eleven. It's so cute, and such a fun routine to have in the morning.

He has been going through a big sleep phase. He loves to put his toys to sleep and tuck them in under blankets, or if there are not blankets around, tissues. When his toys go to sleep, they must be on their backs. This includes his trucks and cars. There will be times that I'll walk in and all of his trucks and cars will be on their backs with tissues or (unused) toilet paper placed gently over them. He'll fake snore and say, "shhh Mommy, the trucks and cars sleeping!" He'll also do this with his tub toys. He'll line them up on the side of the tub and put bubbles on them as blankets. The process requires a lot of concentration and he takes it very seriously. He plays a sleepy game with my mom where he'll say, "Gramma! Sleep!" She'll shut her eyes and pretend to sleep. He'll take his little fingers and (whisper) count, 1, 2, 3, then yell "GRAMMA!" She pretends that he's startled her and it makes him laugh like crazy! I believe his sleep obsession started with my mother's decorative Santa that sat on the hearth. He was in bed and you'd press a button and he'd start to snore. At first, this scared James. My father encouraged him to overcome the fear. Now if you ask James what Santa Claus (or in his words, Ka Claus) says, he won't respond with "Ho! Ho! Ho!" like most kids; instead, James fake snores.

About a month or so ago, my father started taking James down to their finished basement so he could explore. James treats the downstairs like a fort now. As soon as Papa comes home, James begs to go downstairs. Once they're down there, he acts like he rules the place. My dad takes him for rides in his little blue car, lets him throw his stuffed animals all over the place, and most importantly, they visit the furnace. The noise the furnace makes is a thrill to James. He gets scared, but somehow enjoys it. He asks, "Papa noise!" and points to the room that the furnace is in. This love for the furnace noise ignited a love for noise in general-vacuum noise, washing machine noise, dryer noise, etc. He is always talking about noises now.

When Andy gets home from work, I'll announce, "Daddy's home!" This triggers pure excitement and joy from both James and Watson. They both dart to the window to catch the first glimpse of Andy's car pulling in the driveway. Now that its getting warmer out, I open the window a little so James can shout to Andy. Andy walks up to the window, which is face level with him, and he and James go nose to nose through the screen laughing and giving each other kisses. Watson gets jealous and barks and dances like crazy until Andy comes in. This is one of the happiest parts of our day. I love when we're all home together!

James loves attention and acknowledgement. If more than a few minutes go by without anyone talking, you'll suddenly hear, "Hi Mama," or "Hi Gramma," or "Hi Papa," etc. When you meet eyes with him you're greeted with the sweetest smile. This is something he's done for a while, but it continues to melt my heart. He also loves talking to people in stores. James gets so excited to go to the store and ride in the carriage. He talks to anyone who will acknowledge him. "Hi Lady!" "Hi Man!" "Hi Girl" "Hi Boy" etc. It is so funny. It makes so many grumpy shoppers smile. Although recently he and I were shopping for some summer shoes for him at Target, and he saw a "baby" AKA a toddler that looked older than he is. He said, "Hi Baby-I shop for shoes!" The toddler was not impressed and started crying. The mom was like 'Don't worry, you're a big boy." When the toddler started crying, it worried James. He looked at me and said "Mommy, baby crying!" "Don't cry baby!" This irritated the toddler more to the point where I decided we'd let them have the aisle and we'd come back later.

He and my dad have a special bond. I've finally figured it out. My dad lets him do whatever he wants, and James loves this. I still remember a night that my dad called down to me from his room and said, "Do you want to see your son try to kill himself (obviously in a light hearted way). I ran upstairs and found all of the pillows from my parents bed on the floor and James standing on the bed. My dad said "Ready, Set, GO!" and James ran off the bed and landed in the pile of pillows. He was so excited and laughing so hard. This has become one of his favorite games.

When Bailey, my parents grumpy, old man, dog barks, James runs to the window saying, "Papa's home!" "Bonnie's home!" "Jamie's home!" just hoping that someone is there to visit him.

Every Saturday, Andy's sister Coleen, and Mr. McKenna take James to Boston's for breakfast and a walk around the waterfront. If you ask where he's going, he'll say, "BOSTONS!" and then he talks about sausage. He steals Mr. McKenna's sausage and loves it. They walk around the waterfront and he talks to everyone and gets to pet all the dogs.

Now that my little escape artist knows how to get out of his crib, we have to have a talk before his nap and before bed. I tell him he has to sleep and stay in his crib. He looks at me very seriously and tells me with his little finger extended, "Don't fall boom!" I agree and say, "No, we don't want you to fall boom." I know the days of the crib are winding down, and soon he'll be in his big boy bed, but for now I enjoy the peace of mind knowing he's safe in there.

James loves to dance. My father found a Disney record that my mother bought for me when I was a baby. My dad plays it and James dances. His favorite song is the "Cow Song," AKA "Old MacDonald." He dances like crazy and sings along. He loves singing and dancing. It amazes me how many songs he already knows. When we drive in the car I'll sing part of a verse of a song, and he'll finish it...and so the car sing-a-longs begin!

James and I went for a walk the other day. All of the houses in my moms neighborhood have short driveways, but one. This one particular house has a long driveway covered in trees. James stopped and pointed and said, "Mommy-house is hiding!" I thought this was such an adorable observation from my little guy. Just last night we were reading his Curious George book that he loves so much lately. He opened the book and the first pages are blank. He looked up at me and said "George is hiding Mama!" These little concepts make me smile!

He's mastered all of his colors, (silver being my favorite) by 20 months old. Everything is now labeled by color. He's very proud of this accomplishment-as am I!

James is the ultimate backseat driver. If he feels that I'm going too fast, he'll tell me to slow down and be careful. If a car stops up ahead, he'll tell me not to crash. If he sees a police car, he'll say, "Mama Policeman!" which I must admit, I do appreciate at times. If I'm at a stop light, he tells me to "GO!" If we hit a pot hole, he says, "MAMA BANG!" The most fascinating thing to me is he knows directions and streets already. As soon as we turn on to Rt. 36, he says "Yay! See Watson Doggy!' because he knows we're close to home. If it's a night that I pick Andy up from the train and we have to pass our street, he says "Mama! See Watson!! Stop!!" He knows I've missed our street and he's letting me know. He knows how to get to my parents street, the McKenna's street, Ma's house (his great grandmother), and Liam's house (AKA The Alchorn's house). He knows exactly when the street or house is coming up and starts saying "YAY in the backseat." He also gets excited when we pass the Plympton Police station and he can see the police and firetrucks. I know, that at age 28, I'm lucky I can figure out where I'm going. Here he is at 22 months old already becoming a human GPS like his dad! Thank goodness he inherited Andy's excellent sense of direction!

I could clearly go on forever because there is so much I want to remember. As I said before, every day is something new and I never know what he's going to come out with. He is full-time entertainment. No matter how exhausted I am at the end of the day, there is absolutely nothing I would change. It's all so worth it and it all goes by way too quickly. Although I feel like my life can sometimes be a tornado, its one that I love. When I sit on the couch at the end of the day, and see little trucks, cars, stuffed animals, potty seats, etc scattered around my living room it reminds me that I have a beautiful little boy living with me now. I'm so thankful, and so blessed!