If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air... Quaint little villages here and there... You're sure to fall in love with old Cape Cod....

Brant Rock...Where do I begin?

If you ask me about my earliest memories of summer, I'd describe the following...Waking up to the soft breeze of my window fan blowing on me in my bedroom on Pudding Brook Drive. I can picture my mom in my doorway whispering, "It's time to wake up Beth-we want to get to the beach nice and early!" I'd leap out of bed and put on my bathing suit and sundress that she had laid out for me the night before. I'd go down to the kitchen to see her packing up the final snacks in the cooler, (she'd already made the lunches the night before). She'd safely buckle me in, roll down the windows, and would hit "Play" on her cassette player in the car. Patty Page's soothing voice would play over the radio..."If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air..." I'd hear my mom singing along. Peace...

We'd stop at a cute little bakery in Marshfield where she would get a coffee and I would pick out a frosted cookie. We'd get back in the car, anticipation building in my belly...I loved the ocean. She  would keep me focused by saying, "Tell me when you can see the ocean Beth. What color do you think it will be today? I bet I can tell you-it's the color of your eyes. Your eyes always match the ocean." I'd feel so beautiful...

At the time I had figured she was too focused on the road to notice the water creeping up on the left. I'd finally shout from the back seat, "There it is!" She'd find our parking spot, right next to the North Street sign and we'd make our way to the beach for the day.

These were my earliest, and some of my most cherished memories of summer....

Brant Rock has since, never let me down. When I first got my license, I would drive there at night and sit on the wall. I'd spend my days there with my best friends "working on our tan," and even rocked my first bikini on that beach when I was 15, (I felt like the whole beach was going to notice that my belly was exposed)! I remember ridiculous things like getting pegged in the back of the thigh with a renegade whiffle ball the first day in my bikini, (stupid teenage boys), Laura Kelly falling off the jetty and getting scratched up, my crazy brother always running full speed into the waves, Mandy Kelly smashing a glass bottle accidentally on the rocks and being scolded by a bunch of moms, intense hunts for crabs, slushes, my moms "only go up to your knees" rule, and of course some sunburns I regretted from baby oil (oops!).

As I got older, a few particular dates actually really stood out. The days that became so meaningful to me...

Saturday June 27, 2009, was the weekend before my due date with James. I was gigantic, pregnant, hot, and anxious. I woke up and said to Andy that we should go to the beach once more before we had our baby and wouldn't have a peaceful trip to the beach again for a long time. I threw on a long sundress, (I was not one who could have pulled off a two-piece...or even an actual bathing suit for that matter at that point in the pregnancy), packed a lunch and some drinks, grabbed a book about pregnancy/newborns, and we headed to Brant Rock. We arrived at the beach super early and got a great spot. Andy and I relaxed, read, and most importantly got to talk about the arrival of our baby boy. We walked along the beach, had some laughs (that still make me actually giggle). Being full-term meant I had to make frequent trips to the bathroom, and the sand didn't help with the urgency. The heat eventually took over and we decided to head to Dairy Queen to cool off. I vaguely remember sitting on a bench with Andy holding a soft serve vanilla with cherry dip, and looking at him and feeling so happy. I actually said, "This is one of my happiest days ever." I felt like it was the perfect close to our chapter of "Andy and Elizabeth."

One of my favorite pictures of James. Celebrating his last weekend as an only child at Brant Rock.

Flash forward 2 years to July 16, 2011-the Saturday before my scheduled c-section for Thomas. Same size, same plan, probably the same tent-sized sundress, only this time I told Andy that we should take advantage of our beach day because it probably will never be as peaceful as it was with just the three of us-Andy, James, and me. We packed up our little family and made our way to Brant Rock. James looked so big to me that day. I spent the time soaking up the thought of him becoming a big brother-how would he be? How was he going to handle this life altering week? How was I going to say goodbye to this comfort zone of mine? The three of us splashed in the ice cold waves, (one actually knocking James down), got covered in sand, and exhausted ourselves before calling it quits and heading to Dairy Queen. Again-same bench, same "happy thoughts." The final chapter of "Andy, Elizabeth, and James."

Best Friends from the start

....And here I am. Almost 2 years later. June 2, 2013. I'm not expecting, not as small as I used to be, but not as big as I was, a new sundress, and a hot day. I had spent last week battling some strange sickness that left me corpse-like in my bed. I needed to venture out and I needed some time to regroup my family. We altered the plans a bit because our 2 year old needs his mid-day nap and was born a nice shade of Irish-pale, so the sun doesn't do him any good. We opted for a late afternoon trip to Brant Rock. I packed a picnic supper, snacks, apple juice, and some dog treats because this was going to be a full-McKenna family trip to the beach. I was a little nervous, but hopeful. James was getting anxious in the backseat on the way there-I could almost feel his butterflies in my own belly, remembering that I once felt the same way he did. I caught myself actually say, "Tell me when you see the ocean James!" I looked over and saw him stretching out his chin trying to peer out the front window. "It's over there mom!" He saw it! I got to be the mom this time and pretended I didn't see it so he could feel extra proud of himself. Andy parked the car across in a little spot directly across from where my mom used to park. We unloaded the car and made our way to the jetty.

Curious little guy spotted a lady bug

Thomas found a window between the rocks!

Thomas-always with his snacks and apple juice!

Watson keeping an eye on the baby of the family

Watson and James entertained each other while Thomas snacked, did a little whining (for some reason he wanted me to find the moon while the sun was still up), I got to snap some cute pictures of my boys, and Andy helped herd us all together. Watson showed off by playing fetch in the waves-that James described as, "100 years big because they must have taken 100 years to make," leaving us laughing. Andy took James on an "adventure" to the end of the jetty, while I relaxed on a blanket with Thomas. A black loon captivated the boys attention by swimming under water and coming up briefly for air. James was able to sit on a rock, while Thomas made do by finding a small window between a few rocks. I watched on at my boys wondering how I ever got so lucky. The sun began to set and it was time to clean up. I heard Andy say, "Elizabeth-Dairy Queen?" Of course! I told the boys we were going to get ice cream and they both started cheering for it. We packed up our guys and off we went!

You can see the loon splashing near by! They were so excited!

Each of the boys got their own sundaes (with a cherry on top per James' request). Not a drop was spilled. I had my vanilla with cherry dip and found myself realizing that this day spent at Brant Rock was again one of my most cherished of all time. We successfully pulled off a trip not only with the boys, but with Watson too, where we were an actual unit. We all held it together, everyone was happy, and at one point I even heard James say, "I love you Thomas." We put on the lullaby CD we have in the car and James was asleep before we were out of Marshfield. Thomas stayed up singing along. Both boys went to bed with no problem. It was a totally spontaneous, perfect day.

I've been humming my favorite Patty Page tune all night as it loops through my head. It's only the 2nd day in June and I have the whole summer ahead of me. I can feel the excitement my mother must have felt when I was that small and we'd spend our days at Brant Rock. I can't wait to watch the boys fall in love with it the way I did.

Happy Summer!

My loves, My life

Before you go to sleep...say a little prayer. Every day in every way it's getting better and better...

Here I am, almost a year later from my last blog post. Thomas started walking and, well, life picked up pace!

I've had so many blog ideas going through my mind over the past year, and finally tonight, while lying in bed singing to the boys, I realized its time to get typing and documenting more sweet memories of my Beautiful Boys...

Like I've said, (and will probably repeat post after post), life feels like it is on fast-forward. It's a crazy thing. While in traffic the other day, I was thinking about life, (I'm such a deep person). To me a month, for the most part, feels like no time at all...but to Thomas, who has only had 22 months of life on this earth, a month means one or more major milestones. He's not singing his full A,B,C's this month, but you know-in another 30 days, he might have it mastered! 

So here I am...46 months into motherhood. In another 2 months, I'll be saying I have a 2 and a 4 year old. How this happened, I have no idea. I am a mom. I keep two boys alive every day. Somedays it is more of a challenge, (especially with the terrible 3's-whoever said it was the terrible 2's had it all wrong). 

3 has been the most "interesting" age thus far. James, who has always been a very verbal child, has become a lawyer. He is full of questions, is constantly challenging me, and has his word bank of "fresh" words to spit fire at me when he's upset. Somehow, despite his little mouth, love for teasing his brother, and thorough enjoyment of watching me chase him to try to get his shoes on, he still still manages to possess a sweetness about him that makes him a magnet for people. He loves his friends, his family, his pets, and his toys. He can be a world class stinker during the day, but when he's tired-in my arms is the only place he wants to be. I have been talking myself through this stage, reminding myself that he is a boy and he must have an abundance of testosterone pumping through that tiny body. I'm convincing myself to let him "do his thing" as long as at the end of the day he'll still snuggle me, carry his stuffed animals around, and make me kiss him 100 times before he closes his eyes at night. My goal is to raise my boys with a perfect blend of tough and soft. I respect his love of knowledge, the fearlessness when he stands up to Andy, (who towers over him and could technically squash him like a bug if he wanted to), when he thinks his argument is worth fighting for, and his energy for life. He wakes up each morning ready to take on the day. He runs in the room with his booming voice and asks "What are we doing today, Mom?" I don't know how all of that fits into one small human, but it does. It's my little, scrappy, James Andrew. 

Being the big brother is a tough, but satisfying job for James. Most of the time, he soaks it up. He enjoys greeting Thomas every morning, (before Andy or I do). He accepts the task of picking out which toys Thomas should play with first. He likes repeating good news to Thomas. On the flip side, if he is in his "terror" mood, he also enjoys saying the opposite of what Thomas wants, "teaching" Thomas which toys are not his to play with, or purposely going out of his way to annoy his baby brother. I'm trying to remove the sentence, "James-you know better," from my vocabulary. I sometimes forget that James was only 2 when Thomas came into the picture. He's only 3 now-and handling the role of a big brother is a big job. I have to step back and realize that this little guy is still trying to figure out life himself!  Lately we've been working on this. James gets my reassurance that he is being a good brother by giving me a thumbs up. If I respond with a thumbs up, his face lights up and he is happy-which in return, makes me, (and Thomas), happy! 

Being the little brother also has it's up's and down's. He is constantly being robbed, he can't run fast enough when being chased, (or when trying to make a getaway with a good toy or snack), and he lacks the vocabulary to defend himself with words. However, he's got Mom and Dad to protect him, (and he knows it)! If Thomas manages to sneak something from James, he knows to book it to me. This way, once James discovers what has gone down, he has me to protect him. I know this skill-I mastered it myself (being the youngest child and all). When James and Thomas are at school or the playground, James acts as Thomas' bodyguard. If anyone approaches, he introduces Thomas as his little brother and makes sure everyone is nice to him. In return, Thomas always has James' back. He mimics everything James does, guards James' toys when he walks away, and hugs James any chance he can get. Seeing this bond form between these two little men is what keeps me going every day!

At 22 months, Thomas' personality is really starting to shine. He is a lovebug. I felt guilt for the first year of his life because I was so busy and occupied with James, I didn't get that extra newborn snuggle time that I had cherished so much when James was born. Thomas has made up for it now. He reminds me of a little kangaroo baby-always wanting to be in my lap. He brings me toys and books and just turns around as if to tell me, "get ready, I'm about to sit in your lap." During family movie time, he has to sit in my lap. "Mommy sit!" is a common command for him. If he wants to relax, he wants me beside him.  He enjoys surprising Andy and me with spontaneous "I love you Daddy's" and "I love you Mommy's." If I'm on the floor playing with James, he'll sneak up behind me and give me a big hug and kiss. I can hear him coming by his little giggles (he's not good with holding in his anticipation)! When he stands beside James while they play, I"ll catch him resting his head on James' shoulder-his way of giving him a little hug. Thomas loves a good prank and he loves being silly. He dances his way into a room-not just walking, but really busting a move. When he gets excited, he dances in a little circle (and actually says, "Dance! Dance! Dance!" It's his happy dance. He's a happy guy. 

The boys and I are finally falling into a solid bedtime routine. It's taken a while, lots of starts and stops, but I think we have one set in stone now. They line up at my bureau, and each night one of us gets to be "line leader" and the other is "door closer." We march to their room, (Thomas loves when Daddy is there to cheer us on). Door closer makes sure the door is closed, I shut off the light, then its time to sing. I turn into a human juke box. They shout out songs and I sing. Thomas' requests are almost always "Gaga" (Bad Romance) or "Papa" (Morningtown Ride). He throws in "Bus" (Wheels on the Bus) every once in a while to mix it up. James always requests "We are Young" (his favorite), but right before we go to sleep-right as my body is relaxing, knowing I've survived another day with my busy boys, he asks me to sing "Monsters Gone and Daddy's Here," (Beautiful Boy by John Lennon). I sing it at least 3 or 4 times for him. This not only relaxes him, but it relaxes me too. I tune into the words (and try not to think of how out of tune I actually am)....

Close your eyes

Have no fear

The monsters gone, he's on the run and your daddy's here...

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep

Say a little prayer

Every day in every way 

It's getting better and better

Beautiful beautiful beautiful

Beautiful Boy

Out on the ocean

Sailing away

I can hardly wait

To see you come of age

But I guess we'll both just have to be patient

Cause it's a long way to go

A hard row to hoe

It's a long way to go

But in the meantime

Before you cross the street

Take my hand

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep

Say a little prayer

Every day in every way

It's getting better and better....

As chaotic and as fast paced as my life may feel, I wouldn't trade it for anything. These two beautiful, beautiful boys have surely rocked my world-but they are me. They are who I am. I can dwell on what I may be doing wrong daily, how stressed I may feel, or how sometimes I really just miss the days of a long, quiet shower without a paparazzi at the door, but the fact that they want to be there with me-every second shows me that I'm doing something right. As I sing the words, "every day, in every way it's getting better and better" I remind myself that the difficult parts of today will be the ones I'm laughing about tomorrow, and ones someday in the future I'll miss, and will want back for just a moment.