I've had so many blog ideas going through my mind over the past year, and finally tonight, while lying in bed singing to the boys, I realized its time to get typing and documenting more sweet memories of my Beautiful Boys...
Like I've said, (and will probably repeat post after post), life feels like it is on fast-forward. It's a crazy thing. While in traffic the other day, I was thinking about life, (I'm such a deep person). To me a month, for the most part, feels like no time at all...but to Thomas, who has only had 22 months of life on this earth, a month means one or more major milestones. He's not singing his full A,B,C's this month, but you know-in another 30 days, he might have it mastered!
So here I am...46 months into motherhood. In another 2 months, I'll be saying I have a 2 and a 4 year old. How this happened, I have no idea. I am a mom. I keep two boys alive every day. Somedays it is more of a challenge, (especially with the terrible 3's-whoever said it was the terrible 2's had it all wrong).
3 has been the most "interesting" age thus far. James, who has always been a very verbal child, has become a lawyer. He is full of questions, is constantly challenging me, and has his word bank of "fresh" words to spit fire at me when he's upset. Somehow, despite his little mouth, love for teasing his brother, and thorough enjoyment of watching me chase him to try to get his shoes on, he still still manages to possess a sweetness about him that makes him a magnet for people. He loves his friends, his family, his pets, and his toys. He can be a world class stinker during the day, but when he's tired-in my arms is the only place he wants to be. I have been talking myself through this stage, reminding myself that he is a boy and he must have an abundance of testosterone pumping through that tiny body. I'm convincing myself to let him "do his thing" as long as at the end of the day he'll still snuggle me, carry his stuffed animals around, and make me kiss him 100 times before he closes his eyes at night. My goal is to raise my boys with a perfect blend of tough and soft. I respect his love of knowledge, the fearlessness when he stands up to Andy, (who towers over him and could technically squash him like a bug if he wanted to), when he thinks his argument is worth fighting for, and his energy for life. He wakes up each morning ready to take on the day. He runs in the room with his booming voice and asks "What are we doing today, Mom?" I don't know how all of that fits into one small human, but it does. It's my little, scrappy, James Andrew.
Being the big brother is a tough, but satisfying job for James. Most of the time, he soaks it up. He enjoys greeting Thomas every morning, (before Andy or I do). He accepts the task of picking out which toys Thomas should play with first. He likes repeating good news to Thomas. On the flip side, if he is in his "terror" mood, he also enjoys saying the opposite of what Thomas wants, "teaching" Thomas which toys are not his to play with, or purposely going out of his way to annoy his baby brother. I'm trying to remove the sentence, "James-you know better," from my vocabulary. I sometimes forget that James was only 2 when Thomas came into the picture. He's only 3 now-and handling the role of a big brother is a big job. I have to step back and realize that this little guy is still trying to figure out life himself! Lately we've been working on this. James gets my reassurance that he is being a good brother by giving me a thumbs up. If I respond with a thumbs up, his face lights up and he is happy-which in return, makes me, (and Thomas), happy!
Being the little brother also has it's up's and down's. He is constantly being robbed, he can't run fast enough when being chased, (or when trying to make a getaway with a good toy or snack), and he lacks the vocabulary to defend himself with words. However, he's got Mom and Dad to protect him, (and he knows it)! If Thomas manages to sneak something from James, he knows to book it to me. This way, once James discovers what has gone down, he has me to protect him. I know this skill-I mastered it myself (being the youngest child and all). When James and Thomas are at school or the playground, James acts as Thomas' bodyguard. If anyone approaches, he introduces Thomas as his little brother and makes sure everyone is nice to him. In return, Thomas always has James' back. He mimics everything James does, guards James' toys when he walks away, and hugs James any chance he can get. Seeing this bond form between these two little men is what keeps me going every day!
At 22 months, Thomas' personality is really starting to shine. He is a lovebug. I felt guilt for the first year of his life because I was so busy and occupied with James, I didn't get that extra newborn snuggle time that I had cherished so much when James was born. Thomas has made up for it now. He reminds me of a little kangaroo baby-always wanting to be in my lap. He brings me toys and books and just turns around as if to tell me, "get ready, I'm about to sit in your lap." During family movie time, he has to sit in my lap. "Mommy sit!" is a common command for him. If he wants to relax, he wants me beside him. He enjoys surprising Andy and me with spontaneous "I love you Daddy's" and "I love you Mommy's." If I'm on the floor playing with James, he'll sneak up behind me and give me a big hug and kiss. I can hear him coming by his little giggles (he's not good with holding in his anticipation)! When he stands beside James while they play, I"ll catch him resting his head on James' shoulder-his way of giving him a little hug. Thomas loves a good prank and he loves being silly. He dances his way into a room-not just walking, but really busting a move. When he gets excited, he dances in a little circle (and actually says, "Dance! Dance! Dance!" It's his happy dance. He's a happy guy.
The boys and I are finally falling into a solid bedtime routine. It's taken a while, lots of starts and stops, but I think we have one set in stone now. They line up at my bureau, and each night one of us gets to be "line leader" and the other is "door closer." We march to their room, (Thomas loves when Daddy is there to cheer us on). Door closer makes sure the door is closed, I shut off the light, then its time to sing. I turn into a human juke box. They shout out songs and I sing. Thomas' requests are almost always "Gaga" (Bad Romance) or "Papa" (Morningtown Ride). He throws in "Bus" (Wheels on the Bus) every once in a while to mix it up. James always requests "We are Young" (his favorite), but right before we go to sleep-right as my body is relaxing, knowing I've survived another day with my busy boys, he asks me to sing "Monsters Gone and Daddy's Here," (Beautiful Boy by John Lennon). I sing it at least 3 or 4 times for him. This not only relaxes him, but it relaxes me too. I tune into the words (and try not to think of how out of tune I actually am)....
Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monsters gone, he's on the run and your daddy's here...
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better
Beautiful beautiful beautiful
Beautiful Boy
Out on the ocean
Sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient
Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
It's a long way to go
But in the meantime
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better....
As chaotic and as fast paced as my life may feel, I wouldn't trade it for anything. These two beautiful, beautiful boys have surely rocked my world-but they are me. They are who I am. I can dwell on what I may be doing wrong daily, how stressed I may feel, or how sometimes I really just miss the days of a long, quiet shower without a paparazzi at the door, but the fact that they want to be there with me-every second shows me that I'm doing something right. As I sing the words, "every day, in every way it's getting better and better" I remind myself that the difficult parts of today will be the ones I'm laughing about tomorrow, and ones someday in the future I'll miss, and will want back for just a moment.
